Mothering Rewards

• Last week Ricky had to take another day off of work, so we could go to our storage unit and meet the cleaning company. They made it all super easy and quick, deciding what is non-salvageable and what could be cleaned. We moved a few things to our new unit and got to help Teresa, our friend with whom we're sharing the unit, with her stuff. Our kids were passed around by a few good friends and loved it! The rest of the week was normal. Teresa was here, and we had pizza/movie night. For Mother's Day we had a picnic at a park, reclined and read some, talked to my mom, and Ricky took me to the movie theater while Teresa babysat for us, which was fun for all!
• A few weeks ago, we began some new incentives and rewards with the kids. One: when the kids do something that is kind or behavior that we want to encourage, we offer them a little sweet treat bite. Two: if they complete all of their morning chores before Mommy gets to the kitchen and without being reminded by an adult, then they get a token. When they get 14 tokens, they can trade them in for a homemade gingersnap cookie ;) If they get caught lying about doing all their chores, we empty their bag of tokens. Three: if they want to earn money, then they can come tell me, and I will find an "extra" job for them to do and pay accordingly, usually $.50-$1. (These are not the normal chores nor the routine deep cleaning jobs they expect.)
• Over a month ago, I finally constructed their "piggy banking system". They each have their own set of money jars. The general money jar idea came from Randy Alcorn; I remembered reading it in his Money, Possessions, and Eternity book and always wanted to copy his idea. There are three jars, which we glued together in this order from left to right -- spending, saving, and giving. When they get money, 10% goes into giving, 10% into saving, and they can distribute the rest of the money however they wish. But, the caveat is that money can be taken out of the jars and moved to the right but not to the left. So, spending money can go to savings or giving and savings can go to giving, but giving money cannot moved at all. Right now they can get money several ways: gifts (birthday holiday, just because), losing a tooth (give me a tooth, I'll give you a dollar -- borrowed from a friend) or not sucking your thumb (Micaiah) -- totally unsuccessful as of now, and earned from extra jobs.
  

"Queen Elsa"

Aolani insisted we wear our matching dresses :)

watching the Kentucky Derby

• We have begun memorizing the poem Trees by Joyce Kilmer and rehearsing her kindergarten alphabet verses for a potential musical show for family...
• Verse to memorize this week: 2 Corinthians 4:3 ~  And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing.

Helpful Hints, He Helps Me With

Here is the list of 70+ helpful hints I wrote about two weeks ago. I do not look at this list and pick one out at a time to help me. These are just different thoughts I have roaming around inside of my head. One or more might pop up when I need an anchoring help.

Of course, thinking these thoughts does nothing. Implementing them does. I could not put a single one into effect on my own. But, once I knew that and cry out for help (every time right now), then I begin to do it and take a step of faith. And lo and behold, He is right there empowering me and upholding me to carry the helpful hint out! Warning: Hints not beneficial alone. Many of these are similar; I've just thought these at different times, instead of summing these up in one or two hints (which may be a way that helps someone).

1. Treat him/her as my persecutor
2. Treat him/her as I want God to treat me when I do wrong, with open arms and unconditional love, not standoffish but intimate 
3. James 1:19-20
4. Hebrews 10:36
5. Romans 12:18
6. Is it worth it? [Is this problem worth the strife that will be engendered...]
7. Proverbs 19:11
8. Proverbs 20:3
9. Don't side with Satan as an accuser, but side with Christ as a defender 
10. If I want God to forgive me, then I must forgive 
11. Imitate Christ
12. Let God judge; it's not my job
13. Punishment does not lead to reconciliation 
14. He/She is redeemed, see him/her that way
15. I want to be a cheerleader and encourager
16. Proverbs 14:1
17. Don't want to be considered a nag, but as a cheerful and content wife
18. Surviving or thriving depends upon my attitude 
19. How I respond is my choice 
20. If I respect God, then I must respect and obey my husband as my God-given authority 
21. My husband is not accountable to me but to God alone 
22. Pick your battles 
23. Would I expend energy over this if I was sick?
24. I must submit, so do it with gladness 
25. Choose joy
26. I get to decide how happy I want to be by deciding to give thanks 
27. Use the replacement principle with thanksgiving, by giving thanks for something fitting to that person or moment
28. Put my husband's wants before my needs 
29. Trust God to take care of me and meet my needs 
30. Galatians 2:20
31. Galatians 5:24-25
32. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
33. How do I want the kids to view and remember their daddy?
34. Demonstrate Scripture and its application for my kids 
35. I want to be Christ to him/her 
36. I want to support and not tear down -- Galatians 5:15
37. Show my kids how to be a Christian spouse 
38. What do I want my kids to remember about us and our marriage?
39. Be who I want to be; be someone I want to be around 
40. Looking back on my life in the future, how would I want respond?
41. Do what the future me would want me to do now 
42. No regret 
43. Parable of the two debtors: Matthew 18:21-35
44. Compare the current struggle with other real problems like child slavery or sex trafficking or the Persecuted Church
45. Four evidences of real forgiveness -- good thought, hurt you not, gossip never, friends forever 
46. Focus on his/her positives as a father/mother, husband/wife, and man/woman
47. If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all 
48. Wisdom: I only live this life-- today, right now-- once; am I living it like I want or making the choices I want? Be specific to the moment!
49. I have a choice
50. Depression, sorrow, addictions, or bad days do not control me
51. 1 Corinthians 6:19
52. Can I be happy even if I had to deal with this indefinitely?
53. Remember his/her humanness and fallenness
54. I want, need grace for my weaknesses and struggles 
55. Eternal perspective
56. What kind of legacy do I want to leave?
57. Choose God's way
58. Ephesians 4:29
59. Because my husband in charge, if I disagree with a parenting decision, I share and let it go since God will hold him accountable for it 
60. Submitting is a gift to be offered not a duty to be coerced 
61. Submission and service are the roles of Jesus -- Philippians 2:5-11
62. Keep my mouth shut and just pray for him/her 
63. Pull a George Constanza and do the opposite of what I want to do (it's from an old Seinfeld episode)
64. I do not want to allow Satan to use me for his plan 
65. I owe God, so do what He wants 
66. Just smile and breathe first 
67. If I do what I want, then I'll botch it...
68. Don't let a disagreement lead to disobedience 
69. Live in silence before God, remembering my own brokenness and depravity
70. No one's need is greater than my own need; no one's sin is greater than my own sin
71. His majesty and grandeur put things into perspective -- when He breathes, stars come into existence
72. When I try to control, it only leads to unhappiness and an incomplete/unfulfilled feeling
73. I am a soldier in God's army and must do what He commands

I'll add more as a new one comes ;)

Balls, Yurts, and Fires -- oh my!

• Three weeks ago -- really busy, we even took a break from schooling the latter part of the week. One morning we had some friends come and take the kids and me to an open gym for young children, which was so kind of them and the kids had a blast. Teresa was here during the week but left while Ricky's dad and brother visited that weekend. We went to a park and played bocce ball while the kids enjoyed the playgrounds, had pizza/movie night, went bowling (Ricky broke 200!), was treated to Chicago-style pizza and another restaurant. It was a full weekend.
• Two weeks ago -- Ricky took the week off from work to enjoy a 'stay'-cation, mostly. I took the week off from schooling, too. Ricky and I played chess and got groceries while the kids were at art class on Monday ;) I had my friends come visit and help all on one day while Ricky had to work on transcript deadline on Tuesday. On Wednesday we went to relax in some hot springs in the mountains (the kids did great and want to go back). Then, we went to stay overnight in a yurt, which we found on Airbnb. [We'd planned this a while ago when we learned about yurts in a school book, plus the kids had been wanting to go camping, and this was a close as we were going to get camping!] It was so great! The kids did not understand why we could only stay one night. After we got there, unloaded and ate dinner, they explored the mountains/farm area. Then, we played board games until late. Even though the yurt had some electricity, it didn't have running water. There was a nice outhouses right outside, complete with a long window panel on the side ;) We made a big blanket palette for the kids to sleep on under the stars (skylight); the adults took the bed. The next day they got to explore some more before checkout at lunch, and we drove to a Mellow Mushroom -- yum! Ricky and I were so exhausted after a 29-hour vacation! This was our first vacation as a family, with only us. For Ricky's birthday present, he wanted us as a family to do a door-to-door prayer walk (we chose a street, went up to each house, asked for prayer requests, and then prayed with/for them); so good in many ways. Besides pizza/movie night and church, Teresa returned (yay!) and we hosted our small group.
• Last week -- Ricky's birthday; schooling resumed; Ricky had to work in another county all week minus one day he had to take off so we could check out the damage to our unit and meet with the owners to figure out the next several steps (there was a fire in our storage unit building which burned several units to ash, but our stuff either melted or got smoke damage). A lot of our stuff is salvageable, and we are filing with insurance right now. A friend babysat the kiddos that day :) We had a friend over one night for dinner and games. And apart from pizza/movie night and church, we got to go to a local pregnancy care center walk with several friends.

One's coming down ;)

When it's quiet while I teach Aolani, something's up...

At an open gym for littles -- the foam pit was the fave

with Uncle Robby

snacking around the fire pit at the Hot Springs

driving in the NC mountains

The yurt... and the path (Ricky had to carry me because our van couldn't make it.)

The kids loved the donkey, who was very social :)

Playing games in the yurt

There was a hammock, fire pit, creek, barn, trails, animals... a lot to explore

The yurt and (nice!) outhouse

'G' is for glasses

Using a penny to strum her guitar

 

After the fire at the storage unit building (our stuff was in the open unit on the left)

• Sorry for the crooked bits!

Aolani cruises down the street

• Feel free to skip this video; it's just to document our trip down as Ricky carries me from the yurt (for posterity).

• School verse from last week: Psalm 97:8-9  ~ Z -- Zion hears and is glad and the daughters of Judah rejoice because of Your judgments O LORD. For You O LORD are high above all the earth. You are exalted far above all gods.
• Verses memorized and to memorize this week: 2 Corinthians 3:18-4:2 ~  And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.

  

Running with a Bucket

This week has been quite wild (there was a fire in our storage unit building), so I am behind in many ways. I'm going to make it a priority to catch up on the past three weeks now this upcoming week ;) I hope to post my helpful hint list next week!

“Lord I crawled across the barrenness to you with my empty cup uncertain in asking any small drop of refreshment. If only I had known you better I’d have come running with a bucket.”  ~ Nancy Spiegelberg 

Yes!!

I Work and He Works

Summary: Anger made disrespect even worse. I would try to keep it in check, fail, and grow depressed. Quite trying, and another kind of depression joined. Last year's issues -- anger, respect, 'trying' depression, 'not-trying' depression. 

Now what? In my anger post, I had written, "But just having His Spirit in me doesn't bust it. I have to depend on Him and activate God in me..." How do I depend on Him and activate His Spirit in me?

I compiled a list of 70+ things that I (would) think when I felt the anger rising. Unfortunately, these thoughts often did not help. I don't know why exactly. Maybe I still felt in control, still wanted my way (automatic and easiest) versus submitting to God and His ways, just wanted the Spirit to do the work, was rebelling against being told what to do... Maybe it is just really tough to learn new ways, new habits. I knew the thought but doing it just wasn't happening, whether I tried or not. 

It used to happen like this: situation --> anger --> thought --> ahhh, can't do it! = fail 

There was no way I could implement these thoughts, no matter how good or biblical they are.

So, as I continued to feel like things were spiraling out of control and grew more desperate than ever before, I had lost all reliance on myself and my ability. No confidence in myself at all. I only messed things (people, relationships, moments) up. I was utterly dependent on Him. Finally, I was right where He wanted me -- at the end of my rope and bottom of the pit -- helpless, dependent, and desperate.

Now, when I feel the anger rising, I cry out to Him, "I know full well I cannot handle this. If I try to control myself or do a helpful hint, I'll fail. I've tried and given it all I got. And, I still can't. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that You can." Then I think a thought, and relying completely on His Spirit to empower me, it works! So, I think my thought but do not believe in my ability to carry it out, and the Spirit enables me to do it. 

...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. ~ Philippians 2:12-13

I work and He works. My work is not to try or just rely. But both. I must take the first step (the step of faith and obedience), and trust Him to walk me through it. Like Peter stepping out of the boat.

It's like this now: situation --> anger --> plea for help --> thought --> help

It doesn't seem that much different; it's all about recognizing the source for the strength.

I still botch things sometimes, trying to rely on my flesh to accomplish what I want. Ricky calls these moments blips in the new norm.

I will try to post my helpful hints list next week. 

[I'm working on uprooting my anger, so there should be posts about that later this year. At least, the outward effects of my anger are much less and better now. Of course, I want the roots to be removed, too.]

Training with Ten {link}

No time to write today or over the weekend, unfortunately. Next weekend...

Anyway, here's another's post that nicely draws the same conclusion as I did in Look Up, Not In ;)

Enjoying It All

• Last week -- the kids went to art class. Helpers/friends came. Teresa stayed for the week. We went to hang out with some friends and let our kids play one evening. We finished taxes (this was the first year I did a lot of it alone, which was yucky). I had a birthday and got two bouquets of flowers (from Aolani and my parents). We took three days off of school as a result. We played games and did art & crafts. My sweet parents visited to celebrate with us! They came laden with gifts, worked hard, and got to play with the munchkins! We went to the accessible park, rode bikes, flea market, painted nails, games, watched the Masters' (golf), pizza/movie night, church, restaurant, and planted green bell peppers in our Earthboxes :)

A wheelchair swing

Aolani loves the zipline!

Right now, Micaiah prefers the scooter to the bike and the swing to the the zipline (Aolani is the opposite for both).

• Verse to memorize this week: 2 Corinthians 3:16-17 ~  But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Messed-up, Flawed, Not-good-enough People

Still pondering and working on my summary post I've been mentioning. In the meantime, here's a super-great quote:

"It’s still messy and ugly and hard. 

But in the midst of this struggle, I have never been more acutely aware of my own need for grace, nor more comforted by the realization that God uses our imperfection to do His best work. 

In fact, if there is one thing the Bible makes abundantly clear, again and again, it is that God uses the most messed-up, flawed, not-good-enough people to do His will again and again, because messed-up, flawed, not-good-enough people are all that he has to choose from. 

There are very few Hollywood endings to be found; on the contrary, there is only story upon story of people who failed, yet God somehow used them anyway."

~ Ruth Soukup