More (on) depression. Just what we want! ;)
Not only did I battle the depression I wrote about last week last year -- the striving and failing kind. [Where, no matter how hard I tried, I would botch things and feel like a failure as a wife, a mother, a friend, and a Christian. I may fail at being all my roles, but I shouldn't focus on being anything, except being in Christ. He is the One I ought to focus on, not myself and how I measure up. Just look to and fix my eyes/energies on Him and trust all else to follow.]
But, I also got to battle a new kind of depression. Driven by the first kind and a let go and let God attitude (applied wrongly, mind you). "If I only try and fail, then stop trying and let His Spirit do the work through me." Sounds good, but it led me to an even greater depression. I stopped trying, and I ended up worse -- miserable, downtrodden, consumed, helpless, and (above all) I felt powerless and desperate.
So.
Trying, didn't work.
Not trying, didn't work.
?????
The following verses were the constant cry of my heart!
For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased to save me, Lord; come quickly, Lord, to help me. ~ Psalm 40:12-13...to be continued
