Tuesday, April 27, 2010


...a baby out.

A few thoughts from Aidan:
I am definitely not a words person. Words of Affirmation is my LAST love language. I always did like the motto Actions speak louder than words. Therefore, I never really valued people telling me they believed in me, or any other nice common phrase (you know, like You are special.) However, I guess believing in someone must be an action, too, because I certainly felt it when someone did NOT believe in me (even though no one said, "I don't believe you can do it"). You see, with this disease (FA), I had no idea if I could seriously push a baby out. I mean I wanted to be able to, but ability and desire are not the same -- but might be a lot more closely related than even I realize.

I have good feeling "down there" but... I doubted myself. How could I not with the questions and comments I received from friends, family and strangers. Example: a good friend asked me if I was having a C-section -- EVERY TIME I SAW HER! I would tell her that I was aiming for a natural, vaginal delivery. She would look at me quizzically. I knew she was thinking Yeah, right but... or I don't want to be the one to burst your bubble but... But?? But you're in a wheelchair and can't walk. Obviously, people in wheelchairs aren't all paraplegics without vaginal feeling. The only people that thought I could do it were my doula and childbirth teacher (and of course my hubby). But I figured that I was paying them to say that and Ricky was obligated :) Most of the doctors I saw would give me the Aren't you being a bit ridiculous? look. Anyway, it's no wonder I had my share of doubts.

I have high pain tolerance and with the right preparation and knowledge, I thought I could endure the labor. Pushing the baby out? I had gotten to the point where I just didn't want to think about it. I'll deal with that when the time comes (actually, when Aolani comes). I was nervous -- maybe there was a little dread present also. When the time came to push, I didn't know what I was doing... bearing down... squeezing the biggest poop out EVER... listening to my body... following my instinct... GETTIN' THAT BABY OUT (my lingo)! Yet, when everyone there was shouting -- I see her head! She's coming! Look at her dark, curly hair! You're doing it! -- it was dizzying. I was first in disbelief, then relief flooded me, and finally I was exhilarated. I wanted to push again and keep pushing because whatever I was doing was working. I could do it! Yes, I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength I need (Phil. 4:13)!!!

Bottom line: believe in someone, tell them, show it in your eyes, and... be an encourager, not a discourager :)

p.s. That was cathartic. Thanks to whoever reads this.

p.s.s. I don't intend to be harsh or insult anyone. I understand people's hesistancy to think that I could push a baby out. I was hesistant myself. Point was that people chose to stand on the physical-reality (scientific; let's be realistic) side versus believing in the impossible (or at least unlikely). Sounds like a faith check to me... remember that all things are possible with God (Matt. 19:26)!