Friday, September 6, 2013

We've Been Beaten

We had our first ultrasound last week, and we learned that we have had a missed miscarriage.

Our baby has gone to be with Jesus. We've been beaten (to Heaven).

Details (all the questions I can think of right now) --
  1. What is a missed miscarriage?
    • Simply put, I have had a miscarriage, but my body doesn't know it. My body still thinks it is pregnant with a living baby. My body has missed the memo. This is my first miscarriage, so I am in uncharted territory here.
  2. What happened?
    • No idea; God knows, and we don't. I was at 13 weeks along, but our baby measured at almost 10 weeks in size according to the ultrasound. We went to the doctor days beforehand, but the nurse practitioner could not find the heartbeat. She gave us reasons why that could be happening but scheduled an ultrasound for a few days later just to be certain and to actually see the heartbeat, which consequently was not present.
  3. Did you have any forewarning?
    • Physically, no. Yet, I will say that I kept running across articles about miscarriages this year, and, as a result, I kept warning Ricky that we were not immune to miscarriage and it could very likely happen to us. [Maybe that was a small way of God preparing us? I don't know.]
  4. How are you feeling?
    • Emotionally and spiritually, we are well and in good spirits, as we trust the LORD completely. Grieving our loss, but peaceful and at rest. Physically, I still have many pregnancy symptoms (insomnia, restless legs, exhaustion, food cravings, gagging, etc). This is tough because it feels like pointless suffering (but I know it's not: Romans 8:18). 
  5. What now?
    • We returned from the doctor yesterday as I have still not passed the baby's body. He is giving me two more weeks for my body to do it naturally before using a D&C procedure to do so. My mom has been with us for 12 days now and will stay with us until I pass the baby's body, which is a huge blessing for us. 
  6. Are you going to honor this life tangibly?
    • We have named her. [We are supposing that our baby is a girl due to how sick I was and other reasons.] Her name is Avalynn Eliza. Avalynn means "beautiful breath of life." We firmly believe that all life is a gift, no matter how long it was lived. We may bury a small box/casket for our own sake.
  7. Any other thoughts or prayers?
    • Let's see... One of my sinful-flesh thoughts was I endured an entire first trimester with nothing to show for it. After taking that ridiculous thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5), I realized that I did not go through a first trimester just so that I can physically hold a baby at the end of nine months. We got pregnant because we felt like God was leading us to create a life. And He did create an eternal being. So yes, it was worth it! Further, one of the hardest feelings for me lately has been feeling like I am harboring death when, as a Christ-follower, I am called to be a life-giver... He's working on me with that one. 
    • Prayers: Mainly, that God would receive all the glory possible, whether that means restoring Avalynn's life to her body (we definitely believe in and are open to miracles) or keeping her with Him. If the latter is His plan, then we are praying against infection and a natural passing of the body.