The Next Chapter

We are moving to Vanuatu in the Spring of 2025! I put my short blurb below, but our entire newsletter update explaining the details is here :)

Why am I moving overseas? Soon after I had a dramatic conversion when I was almost 15, I felt God’s call to foreign missions. My destiny lies in other nations, living out the dream God has given me—to spread the Kingdom of God to the uttermost.

Why not just stay in the U.S., where life is easier and more comfortable? What if it’s too hard? Simply put, I live by faith and not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). Faith over fear. It’s not just a cute saying. It’s a real choice, and I choose faith to rule and dominate. Faith is to determine my decisions. Plus, any fears or doubts or questions or logic or human reasoning does not change God’s call.

Why now? While we knew that moving abroad was on the horizon for us, we thought that I’d be walking restored first. During the springtime of last year, Holy Spirit showed me that I was staying in the States ultimately because of fear. Fear must be driven out by love and overcome by faith and obedience. The lies behind all fears must be exposed and crushed. We have been making plans ever since then.

Let me state: I am not trying to twist God’s arm and “force" Him to heal me by going (I believe healing has already been accomplished by Jesus). I am not trying to do some holy thing in order to get something from God. In that regard, it doesn’t matter whether I walk or not, because it doesn’t change my need to be obedient.

Why Vanuatu? While Ricky has had more of a specific calling, mine has been more of a knowing. (Even when we first heard of Vanuatu seven years ago, it stood out to me for some unknown reason. Ever since then, I just knew.)

How long? I don’t know how long we’ll be in Vanuatu… It may be many years. We feel like it could be the starting point of our international journey. We are planning to go overseas long-term.

[God's] perfect love casts out all [my] fears (1 John 4:18).

"Fear will never conquer me, because You already have” (from the song “More Than Enough” by Kim Walker-Smith).

God tells us to not be afraid 365 times in the written Word—one for every day.

Lord of All {hip-hop song}

So good.

y

Healing Journey Update 17

Click here to see the entire timeline. 

I know, I know, it’s been awhile. It’s been nonstop all year, and any time I set out to write, I ended up having to write individuals… but I had time to write this in Thailand without kids and a home to run and endless demands! 

I’m not walking yet, so people will probably either doubt what I believe or wonder why. First, I’ve actually grown much stronger and more confident that physical healing is in the atonement and is part of salvation and the other half of the coin with forgiveness of sins (Psa 103:2-3, Isa 53:4-12, Mat 8:16-17, Mat 9:1-8, Joh 5:1-15, 1 Cor 11:27-31, Jam 5:14-15, Gal 3:13, 1 Pet 2:24). I am absolutely not going to backpedal or try to save face (because the truth has not changed, the Word has not changed, and Jesus has not changed. The last thing I am going to do is allow my experience to affect my interpretation of truth!) If my belief here is correct, then why am I still using the wheelchair? When I have asked Holy Spirit before , I either get a fierce and loving gaze from Jesus or a tender and tight embrace from Abba or a gentle whisper from Holy Spirit telling me that’s not the right question and then strengthening me to keep going. So, I don’t know. Ever since He told me last Fall that even the questions are lies, I try to take those kind thoughts captive and not entertain them (2 Cor 10:5). I know the Enemy is trying to get me off track and into his labyrinth of confusion leading to despair. No thank you! The thought life is the predominant way the Enemy attacks (Eph 6). 

Questions mean there’s no revelation. If there’s revelation, there are no questions. So, I deliberately have chosen to stop asking or questioning AND start praising and thanking Him! (It’s key to replace those thoughts with actions to help me succeed in shifting my focus.)

I feel like it’s my job right now to focus on simply doing two things: to give thanks that He is at work in my body right now (healing) and to know / understand / believe / receive His love for me. There are other secondary things I keep in mind, like praising, being at rest and confident and joyful, constantly remembering to die to what I think and maintaining peace (keeping the enemy from me), taking captive every question or doubt or fear or worry or wondering, trusting, being a light and shining and loving, communing and listening and praying in tongues, decreeing Truth, and living by faith… I thought I knew what faith was and had it, but it is so much more! This faith in God in every little thing has been dominating me and my time for almost a year now — revamping my belief system (tearing down wrong beliefs about God and replacing them with a right understanding of Scripture, God, and man). It’s hard work to have faith (John 6:29) and protect your "believer" (Prov 4:23, Eph 6:17), but we’ve been given armor for this reason- to fight the good fight of faith (1 Tim 6:12, 2 Tim 4:7)! 

Also, I believe everyone has a different healing story (here are some good ones). There is no recipe or formula because everyone has different heart issues and blockages. You don’t have to believe or do everything just right. Faith in God’s love for you is what it boils down to, despite pain and experience, which leads to fear and doubt (opposite of faith in God’s love for you). It seems that God cannot work in someone when there is fear or doubt present in a heart. Fear binds the arms of God and doubts His love for you, keeping the Omnipotent One impotent from moving in the person (not because of inability but out of respect for the person's choice). Jesus made it clear that you get what you believe for, which is why it’s imperative that we stay rooted and grounded in God’s love for us (Eph 3:17-19)! We absolutely cannot measure God’s love for us through our trials and circumstances. It can only be measured by Jesus on the cross (Rom 5:8, Eph 5:25, 1 Jn 3:16)!

 4/23 I was having a 4-person date with the Trinity (which is often), and I had asked Holy Spirit about continuing to physically degenerate while my heart was flourishing and He said, "It is demonic… but it doesn’t matter. As long as you keep drawing near, he will flee for it is written." I know that’s not exactly James 4:7-8 says; it’s in the submitting to God and resisting the devil that causes him to flee. Since God is a consuming fire, the more you are refined as you draw near to Him because lies and hindrances are melting off and you are being purged. To me, you can’t draw near without voluntarily submitting yourself to God. 

Again the other day, He told me that I was on track pressing in and drawing near to His heart. 

We are not to focus on the pain / suffering / trial / hardship / obstacle and hope we can muster up enough ability to respond to the situation / problems/ people in a Christian way (1 Pet 4:12). But keeping our minds and hearts stayed on Him, allows me to receive the peace and strength He offers me (Isa 26:3–4), so I can be victorious and triumphant as I overcome (2 Cor 2:14, 1 Jn 4:4 & 5:4-5). Indeed, He has filled us with His Spirit and given us His Son (and everything else good, Rom 8:32, Jam 1:17), which empowers us all to be more than conquers! Not just over pain and the Enemy, but over temptation and bad habits… hallelujah (Rom 12:21)! I have found that listening to praise and worship music really helps me both shift my focus and fight (I adjust the volume according to my pain level, always making sure that the music and my praises are louder. I know pain can shout loud, so you have to one up it! Psa 27:6, Psa 149:6, Jam 5:13) 

We can heap dirt on a seed of healing that has been planted in us with words we speak (seed is still growing, just takes longer for the growth to pop out to the surface.) 

A farmer makes plans according to the coming harvest even though the field looks barren. The farmer knows about all the seeds he has sown and cares for them. He bases his decisions and actions on faith and not sight. Waiting patiently does not mean waiting passively. I am waiting for the harvest actively by continuing to believe and grow in faith, keep walking in and living by the Spirit, and sowing in word and deed. (I am not waiting on God to do anything! It’s already been given and done. Indeed, it is finished! John 19:30) And I definitely don’t want to dig up seed (watch the great short clip below)!

 

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.  ~ Galatians 6:9 

I’m excited every day because I get to seek and shine. It’s in the seeking Him that I get to know Him more (Jesus said that eternal life is knowing God in John 17:3, not just going to Heaven… so we are not waiting for eternal life to come!) Shining is the entire reason why you are on the earth still — to become love to all mankind. It’s in the seeking and shining that we grow up into Christ (Eph 4:15).

When things aren’t turning out like you thought, you don’t change your theology, you press in and continue moving forward, growing like Paul in Philippians 3:12.

*John 16:13 tells me flat out that Holy Spirit speaks to us. 

**I have maintained my inner improvements, still free from prescription drugs, and haven’t gotten sick in over a year. In many ways I feel stronger and better!

Merry CHRISTmas!

“And you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.”

​Colossians 2:10

We are so thankful for:

Where God has us right now,

That we have been made complete in Christ,

& You!!!

Ricky, Aidan, Aolani (almost 14), Micaiah (12), Raphael (6), & Morgan (3)

Big Kids Reciting the Love Chapter (1 Corinthians 13)

There may be human error in both the reciting and recording, but it is still beautiful and endearing!

Micaiah

Aolani 

Healing Journey Update 16

Click here to see the entire timeline. 

Soon after I posted in May, I got sick again for over a month, with a gradual decline and a slow recovery. Both improvements I had mentioned from early May—sleep and questioning—revert back. 

6/17 Had another short-clip vision of an egg beginning to hatch. Then, it stops cracking for several days. (While it seems dormant on the outside, the chick keeps growing inside the shell.) Suddenly the egg begins to crack again and the chick quickly hatches. (This was supposed to be reflective of my healing.)

I use to always connect myself with the sick when I thought I was one of the sick and would read the Gospels — wanting Jesus to touch me or to touch Him. But then my eyes were opened. They were all sick unbelievers. Even the disciples didn’t yet have the Spirit of God in them making them new creations and giving them new hearts (that didn’t happen until Pentecost). That only leaves Jesus. I must see myself as Jesus and no one else when reading the Gospels. Duh. Jesus and I are one. We are His Body. As He is, so am we. We are God’s ambassadors. We are believers filled with the same Spirit of God and dunamis power! Just this one change of thought made a huge impact on me, opening my eyes and revolutionizing my way of thinking. 

We left for a month on a road-trip in mid-July. Holy Spirit revealed a lot to me…

As you know, I had been plagued with why questions. Soon after we left, Holy Spirit told me that even the questions are lies. This has drastically changed my thought life and outlook! Now, I can take those thoughts captive and throw them out instead of having them steal my peace and upset me!!

This pertains to the Buildrior vision I had last Spring (2022)… If you remember, the stones that comprised the temple walls represented New Testament commands. Holy Spirit told me that the stones are love. I asked Him to explain. Even though each stone may be a different kind or size or shape or color or name, it is still a stone. In the same way, each stone symbolized a different New Testament directive, but the stones were and are love (meaning their purpose, motive, and goal is love). Just as there are many different kinds of animals, but they are all still animals. 

7/17 Holy Spirit whispered to me, "As you mount My heart, you will get stronger. It is in the depths of My love that you will find your healing, so go deeper." I remember that it felt romantic 💘 About a week later, He told me, "We’re going to get it," talking about my healing. It made me smile (and cry happy tears) because He didn’t say, "You’re going to get it." He was emphasizing our intimacy and union! He is so tender and loving 🥰 

On the trip, I started getting these little visions of people a lot (I would get them sporadically before but nothing like now). I call them prophetic visions as they are meant to encourage/exhort/edify/comfort but usually don’t pertain to the future. I can control them in the sense that I can just focus on the person, and voila! Holy Spirit shows me (not because of me but because He loves the person!) I know that they're not from me because I couldn't come up with them if I tried, as I really struggle to be imaginative. 

While they are usually for other people, Holy Spirit has shown me a few for myself so far (and several for my family). I am thankful!

We got to visit the International House of Prayer in Kansas City for a day during the trip. While in prayer room, I was asking Holy Spirit how to minister to God, and He revealed to me that I should worship the Lord, receive from Him, and then I give what I have received. 

8/10 "The clock will be rewound." (Tongues interpretation)

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  James 5:7 

How do you resist the devil? Submit to God. 

How do I submit to God? Present your body parts as living sacrifices!

We don’t have to obey Scripture, have it all together and do everything right in order to get healed, but we must be very careful watching our words and keeping the whole counsel of His Word (2 Tim 3:16-17) in order to keep the Enemy out of our bodies and souls (mind, emotions…) and from wreaking havoc. We cannot expect healing in our bodies take root if we are…

• cursing other people (I’m not referring to cuss words, but speaking to or of a person about their behavior [typically something they did that you don’t like] usually using superlatives or sarcasm which just destines that behavior to repeat itself and is ultimately cursing the person.)
• thinking negatively or with pessimism
• angry or bitter, which just gives satan footholds
• complaining (there are so many ways we adults have tried to explain this away and call it different names in order to make it acceptable)
• giving into your emotions (your spirit has been born again and made new, not your soul/emotions which need to be crucified and renewed daily)
• any sin really, because you’re just welcoming the Enemy and giving him permission to land in your heart and bring all the destruction he wants 
• issuing threats (stemming from anger and a lack of faith and selfishness)
• lying (intentionally not keeping your word)
• not doing what you say you’re going to do (not letting your yes be yes and your no be no, more unintentional) 
• actually anything not spoken in faith and love just releases deadly poison (James 3:8) into your body, think acid slowly eating away metal or those experiments showing the effects of words on water and rice (tons of YouTube videos of both)

You cannot speak haphazardly or emotionally-driven and expect your words to carry weight, especially in the spiritual realm (mountains to move and your commands to be obeyed). Our speech is to be honest, accurate, and full of love… seasoned with salt and full of grace (Colossians 4:6).

Let me reiterate this because this right here is HUGE (and what Holy Spirit has been trying to show me since the beginning of this journey): You do not have to do anything to get God to heal you (you don’t have to ask or beg Him because it’s already done and He already gave it.) We do the Word of God to protect ourselves and keep our defenses strong from the Destroyer!

(My mentor wrote this to me back in February 2021. I didn’t really grasp the truth and importance of this as much as I do now—

"I'll tell you what helped me and [my husband], especially as I was working through my healing. We made a rule that we didn't speak about pain or discouragement or anything else literally only Ephesians 4:29 and only Philippians 4:8. There was no venting even between us. We only vent in tongues together or apart. The only time we acknowledge pain levels etc. like I've encouraged you is to write it for your notes. Not even speaking it. So if you're going to speak it you only say I'm in less pain today, in other words only in the positive. And only with praises to God.. Does that make sense? So, if you've been in so much pain or discouragement because of whatever, you would only ever say it and phrase it in a way that indicated victory or that indicated the strategy to get victory. For example, if you've been in pain or hurt more lately than before, you would say something like I believe I'm supposed to pray in tongues a lot more today or I need to have a praise session. Without saying it, Ricky would understand that you've been in more pain, so would your family. You're basically using code but by doing so you're watching your mouth, you were giving your body direction (praise and speaking in tongues) and you're also giving your faith steps to take, all the while you are not giving in to complaining or giving life to what Satan wants you to give life to. Does that make sense? You have to do this with everything you've got because everything you say will reproduce.”)

Grace is NOT overlooking sin, which ends up being nothing but an excuse to keep on sinning (staying stuck because it’s too hard to stop and Jesus paid for it and God understands and has more grace anyway?!). That is what I learned my whole Christian life, and it’s WRONG! It is not a permission slip to just try harder. The correct definition of grace is an empowering strength, which enables us not to sin in the first place! This comes from the Spirit of God, which every believer has but has to learn to hear and heed (this takes practice).

I am just now moving into all of this and stumble quite a bit, but whenever I do I am able to smile and thank God that His Spirit is working in me and speaking to me and helping me and guiding me into all truth, that He has not created me to sin but called me to newness and life, that He loves me and does not give up on me, that I am growing in faith and love and knowledge, that I am becoming more sensitive to Holy Spirit, that I am getting up and persevering and moving forward and drawing near to Him! Hallelujah!! (This is how I turn a stumbling into sin that used to lead me into self-pity, discouragement, depression and despair, woe-is-me self-centeredness, and sorrowful attitude into now being able to immediately praise Him with a pure heart [1 John 1:9]… simply put, do not focus on the falling down but on the getting up!)

Before I get out of bed every morning, I declare:

I am strong. I am healed. I am free. I have faith. I have love. I have life. 

I realize this post sounds heavy on the Spirit, but I was in the Word ditch too long. It’s so thrilling to be on the road between the ditches where the two are in perfect balance keeping you on the path!

9/17 I was asking the Lord what book of the Bible I should read next, and I looked up. A long strip of paper like a banner stretched across the sky, and the Word of God was written on it. These large drops of water started coming from it and falling on me like rain. I immediately knew that I was being washed with the water of the Word, and I heard, "It won’t stop." And I knew that He was telling me that no matter what I read in the Book, He is always going to bring fresh revelation (there is no end; it won’t stop). Then, Holy Spirit impressed upon me exactly what to read next. 

9/18 I tell Ricky that I am the happiest I have ever been. And it’s definitely not because my circumstances have changed or gotten better. It’s because I’m getting to know the Helper, my Best Friend, within me — and He gives incredible joy! And just this week, I am sleeping better!

There’s so much more I could and want to write, but it’ll have to wait… Dan Mohler has the most biblically accurate theology I have ever come across. 

Eeek!

I’m working on a bigger healing journey timeline update to cover the past several months— sorry it’s been awhile and stuff kept arising!

Dan Mohler {videos}

Hands down, my favorite speaker/ preacher is Dan Mohler. I have never been more spurred on in my relationship with God, knowing God, becoming love and letting my light shine!

Here’s my favorite series:

School of Kingdom Living

And here are some of my favorite sermons by him (if you want more of an introduction to him and his style):

How to put on Christ and put off the flesh 

Intimacy is where you are changed 

Pursue to know Him

A brand new life

Actually, I have a playlist of my favorite sermons by him (that I am constantly adding to): HERE

My kids love listening to him and daily ask for more! This is time well spent. You won’t regret it!

Healing Dreams

I don’t dream much. Nighttime dreams. 

Because it’s a rare occurrence, it’s noteworthy and prayerworthy when it happens. I’ve only had two dreams regarding my physical healing that I remember — one occurred when I was pregnant with our third, Raphael (Fall 2017) and the other one happened a couple weeks ago over Memorial Day weekend (2023).

#1:

I awoke from a dream regarding my physical healing on 9/12/17. In the dream I was going through some sort of amusement park with one big roller coaster ride that had many parts with a giant gorilla sitting beside me (symbolic of natural health programs and therapies I’ve tried over the years). Each ride seemed to do something a little different, and I would see different faces (people I knew from different times in my lifetime) as I progressed along. Then, my cart came to a halt at a crossroads before the final part of the ride through a tropical forest. There was a sign that read, “If you want to be healed, you must go alone" and an arrow pointing right. I inherently knew that the gorilla had to get out. Right after the gorilla left, the roller coaster continued and I was healed. After exiting onto the platform, I twirled around for Ricky and asked him if my calves looked bigger! And then I woke. 

*I often think of this dream because, man alive, has it been like a roller coaster ride so far!

#2:

I awoke from a dream regarding my physical healing on 5/28/23. In the dream I was sitting in the wheelchair parallel to the left side of the table in Dallas. Theophilus (a friend) was calling to declare Scripture with me. I was fed up and shouted, “I have life!!!” I yelled so violently that I threw myself out of the wheelchair. I stumbled but didn’t care whether I fell or stood. Regaining my balance, I began to walk around the table several times, getting stronger with each loop. I wanted Ricky to be the first to know and secretly walked to his office to surprise him. He was on the phone but had a flabbergasted look of relief. And then I woke. 

Healing Journey Update 15

Click here to see the entire timeline. 

*As I was thinking again about the seeming slowness of my recovery and how no one can see that I am getting better, I heard Holy Spirit softly whisper, “It’s a lie.” Whoa! And I instantly realized that I was once again letting the Enemy sidetrack me by sight, discourage me, and get my focus off Jesus and Truth and Reality. I went back over my improvements from last year and was so grateful and amazed. Rivers of Living Water are flowing through my veins and pushing out all decay. As long as I can keep my spiritual eyes off of what I see and feel in the physical realm, it is obvious to me that physical healing is happening. Carnality must die. Thank You, Best Friend! Forward, march!

*A few days later, I was told that I could stop having pretend faith because it’s either God or it’s not. While my immediate response was to receive the word as it felt good to my flesh (New Testament versus Old, keep pushing and enforcing because you’ve received instead of passively waiting to possibly receive), after praying and asking and testing and checking, I remembered what I wrote above. I can only laugh when I think about all the people I have met who have worked out their healing over time being told that! (I.e. A young lady friend had an autoimmune disorder that left her incapacitated in a hospital. after receiving prayer for four days in a row, her pinky finger moved a tad… that was the beginning of her full restoration.) I am reminded in Hebrews that real faith doesn’t mean that I will see it now but is persisting in believing despite sight (being certain regardless of what I see). 

I am feeling extra victorious because the two biggest struggles I mentioned in February — sleep and time dilemma questions — have both dramatically improved!! Because of this, I feel strengthened and rejuvenated… Hallelujah! (Sorry I wasn’t able to keep a timeline for April, too hectic of a month!)

Healing Journey Update 14

Click here to see the entire timeline. 

2/24 Attend a dinner gathering and my stomach quickly becomes upset (intense cramps and nausea). After retreating to the bathroom to address this, I return to normal and pain flees within a few minutes  

3/14 My hips are getting noticeably stronger when exercising; my bladder strength has improved (don’t need to wear underwear at night); returned to the improvements I noted at the end of this past August (plus being off the pharmaceutical drugs entirely!) 

3/26 My arm goes numb (but hurts), but pain leaves and feeling returns after attacking it for half an hour 

3/27 The body of my youngest child is beginning to respond to my commands and authority 

*As He is, so am I (1 John 4:17)!  Resurrected to new life! I am more than a conqueror, an overcomer, triumphant and victorious! It is written!!

Healing Journey Update 13

Click here to see the entire timeline. 

January turned out to be a horrible month in many ways. In the past two months sickness ran through the kids three times! I succumbed the first time for three weeks, believing lies that I deserved it and thus accepted it, not fighting without doubt and fear. I had even lost my voice during that time and was usually in bed. I spent February playing catch-up and my vigor returns with my voice and sporadic attempts to stretch and establish routine. However, we both still feel like we’re under spiritual attack and have been since moving here… The Enemy is resisting!

*Why isn’t my recovery instantaneous or quicker? I have ideas, even though no one really knows. People who have worked out their own healings have told me that wondering why just slowed down the process. So, I want to resolve to stop focusing on wondering what’s wrong or what I need to change. However, my focus right now is on enforcing victory on my sleep. 

*The recovery time for people I know who have worked out their own healings has differed from being around a year for recent problems to 4-10 years for muscular dystrophies. Not that it should or will take that long (I am not believing for that nor in agreement with that), but it does help me not to get discouraged during seemingly slow times or when facing pushback. 

 

*I remember a story about a woman who had a large tumor bulging out of her neck. Every Sunday when people in the congregation would share praise reports, she would stand and thank God for healing her. After doing this weekly for five years, the pastor angrily interrupted her when she rose and publicly told her to sit back down because everyone there could still see the tumor in her neck. The tumor suddenly shrunk and disappeared! To God be the glory!

*Bottom line: I’m healed. It’s done. I sow and will continue sowing, for I will reap!!