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I know, I know, it’s been awhile. It’s been nonstop all year, and any time I set out to write, I ended up having to write individuals… but I had time to write this in Thailand without kids and a home to run and endless demands!
I’m not walking yet, so people will probably either doubt what I believe or wonder why. First, I’ve actually grown much stronger and more confident that physical healing is in the atonement and is part of salvation and the other half of the coin with forgiveness of sins (Psa 103:2-3, Isa 53:4-12, Mat 8:16-17, Mat 9:1-8, Joh 5:1-15, 1 Cor 11:27-31, Jam 5:14-15, Gal 3:13, 1 Pet 2:24). I am absolutely not going to backpedal or try to save face (because the truth has not changed, the Word has not changed, and Jesus has not changed. The last thing I am going to do is allow my experience to affect my interpretation of truth!) If my belief here is correct, then why am I still using the wheelchair? When I have asked Holy Spirit before , I either get a fierce and loving gaze from Jesus or a tender and tight embrace from Abba or a gentle whisper from Holy Spirit telling me that’s not the right question and then strengthening me to keep going. So, I don’t know. Ever since He told me last Fall that even the questions are lies, I try to take those kind thoughts captive and not entertain them (2 Cor 10:5). I know the Enemy is trying to get me off track and into his labyrinth of confusion leading to despair. No thank you! The thought life is the predominant way the Enemy attacks (Eph 6).
Questions mean there’s no revelation. If there’s revelation, there are no questions. So, I deliberately have chosen to stop asking or questioning AND start praising and thanking Him! (It’s key to replace those thoughts with actions to help me succeed in shifting my focus.)
I feel like it’s my job right now to focus on simply doing two things: to give thanks that He is at work in my body right now (healing) and to know / understand / believe / receive His love for me. There are other secondary things I keep in mind, like praising, being at rest and confident and joyful, constantly remembering to die to what I think and maintaining peace (keeping the enemy from me), taking captive every question or doubt or fear or worry or wondering, trusting, being a light and shining and loving, communing and listening and praying in tongues, decreeing Truth, and living by faith… I thought I knew what faith was and had it, but it is so much more! This faith in God in every little thing has been dominating me and my time for almost a year now — revamping my belief system (tearing down wrong beliefs about God and replacing them with a right understanding of Scripture, God, and man). It’s hard work to have faith (John 6:29) and protect your "believer" (Prov 4:23, Eph 6:17), but we’ve been given armor for this reason- to fight the good fight of faith (1 Tim 6:12, 2 Tim 4:7)!
Also, I believe everyone has a different healing story (here are some good ones). There is no recipe or formula because everyone has different heart issues and blockages. You don’t have to believe or do everything just right. Faith in God’s love for you is what it boils down to, despite pain and experience, which leads to fear and doubt (opposite of faith in God’s love for you). It seems that God cannot work in someone when there is fear or doubt present in a heart. Fear binds the arms of God and doubts His love for you, keeping the Omnipotent One impotent from moving in the person (not because of inability but out of respect for the person's choice). Jesus made it clear that you get what you believe for, which is why it’s imperative that we stay rooted and grounded in God’s love for us (Eph 3:17-19)! We absolutely cannot measure God’s love for us through our trials and circumstances. It can only be measured by Jesus on the cross (Rom 5:8, Eph 5:25, 1 Jn 3:16)!
4/23 I was having a 4-person date with the Trinity (which is often), and I had asked Holy Spirit about continuing to physically degenerate while my heart was flourishing and He said, "It is demonic… but it doesn’t matter. As long as you keep drawing near, he will flee for it is written." I know that’s not exactly James 4:7-8 says; it’s in the submitting to God and resisting the devil that causes him to flee. Since God is a consuming fire, the more you are refined as you draw near to Him because lies and hindrances are melting off and you are being purged. To me, you can’t draw near without voluntarily submitting yourself to God.
Again the other day, He told me that I was on track pressing in and drawing near to His heart.
We are not to focus on the pain / suffering / trial / hardship / obstacle and hope we can muster up enough ability to respond to the situation / problems/ people in a Christian way (1 Pet 4:12). But keeping our minds and hearts stayed on Him, allows me to receive the peace and strength He offers me (Isa 26:3–4), so I can be victorious and triumphant as I overcome (2 Cor 2:14, 1 Jn 4:4 & 5:4-5). Indeed, He has filled us with His Spirit and given us His Son (and everything else good, Rom 8:32, Jam 1:17), which empowers us all to be more than conquers! Not just over pain and the Enemy, but over temptation and bad habits… hallelujah (Rom 12:21)! I have found that listening to praise and worship music really helps me both shift my focus and fight (I adjust the volume according to my pain level, always making sure that the music and my praises are louder. I know pain can shout loud, so you have to one up it! Psa 27:6, Psa 149:6, Jam 5:13)
We can heap dirt on a seed of healing that has been planted in us with words we speak (seed is still growing, just takes longer for the growth to pop out to the surface.)
A farmer makes plans according to the coming harvest even though the field looks barren. The farmer knows about all the seeds he has sown and cares for them. He bases his decisions and actions on faith and not sight. Waiting patiently does not mean waiting passively. I am waiting for the harvest actively by continuing to believe and grow in faith, keep walking in and living by the Spirit, and sowing in word and deed. (I am not waiting on God to do anything! It’s already been given and done. Indeed, it is finished! John 19:30) And I definitely don’t want to dig up seed (watch the great short clip below)!
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. ~ Galatians 6:9
I’m excited every day because I get to seek and shine. It’s in the seeking Him that I get to know Him more (Jesus said that eternal life is knowing God in John 17:3, not just going to Heaven… so we are not waiting for eternal life to come!) Shining is the entire reason why you are on the earth still — to become love to all mankind. It’s in the seeking and shining that we grow up into Christ (Eph 4:15).
When things aren’t turning out like you thought, you don’t change your theology, you press in and continue moving forward, growing like Paul in Philippians 3:12.
*John 16:13 tells me flat out that Holy Spirit speaks to us.
**I have maintained my inner improvements, still free from prescription drugs, and haven’t gotten sick in over a year. In many ways I feel stronger and better!
