Resolutions for 2023

I forgot how intense and hardcore moving is! Advent was a crazy month, Christmas wasn’t my normal, boxes are still threatening, the walls are barren, no meal plans yet… I am not complaining! Everyone is well and cheery. But, there will be no annual Advent post or cute resolutions post. My main goal is to return my pre-December physical and spiritual diets (routines), as I was actually happy with them!

Merry CHRISTmas!

“But Messiah having appeared upon the scene, a High Priest of good things realized​,”

Hebrews 9:11

Praise God that our Messiah and High Priest has come

Ricky, Aidan, Aolani (almost 13), Micaiah (11), Raphael (5), & Morgan (2)

Healing Journey Update 11

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11/14 I was praying and when I thought about moving to Dallas, I was suddenly overwhelmed by God’s love. Surprised, I opened my eyes and the navy blue wall decal in front of me started glowing hot pink — beautiful! (It’s of 1 John 4:18, Perfect love casts out fear.)

11/16 Move left ankle sitting up more

11/17 My first out-of-town car ride where my legs didn’t twitch at all! (I sorta knew this was coming because my legs twitched very little in the car during our last trip to Dallas a few weeks ago.)

11/18 I don’t know when this happened exactly, but I suddenly realized that I was no longer waking up in lots of pain! I had been all year, but it must have  lessening over the past month or two. 

11/20 Whenever I nap now, my legs remain calm!

11/21 The muscles in my sides are finally growing and helping me stay upright more and fall over sideways less

11/22 Mulan's Encouragement for Me

11/24 Regarding our move Dallas in a couple weeks, it seriously has been almost unbelievable how everything (down to the littlest detail!) has worked out perfectly and quickly. 

11/23&27 My second out-of-town car ride where my legs didn’t twitch at all!

12/2 After three months of not sleeping well (it had improved before the deliverance in September but became a battleground once again, so I’ve been fighting to get back this ground), it’s finally getting better (it wasn’t pain or twitching, just couldn’t get comfortable or fall asleep)

*When we are saved, the incorruptible seed is planted in us (His life and nature; 1 Peter 1:23). We water it with the Word and rivers of living water, Holy Spirit (Jn 6:30). It doesn’t just happen (get watered and grow). It’s our job to study, know, and do the Word. It’s our job to stir up the gift (reference to Holy Spirit, not one of the many spiritual gifts listed in Corinthians). Then, the incorruptible seed grows until fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) is produced! Fruit is grown over time, while gifts are given in a moment. 

Mulan’s Encouragement for Me

In December 2020, I watched the live action film of Mulan and am deeply struck by a specific scene where Mulan and her comrades come face-to-face with the enemy forces. Mulan's team turns around and flees the opposite direction, and the enemy turns around and rides their own way. Mulan hesitates and then hotly pursues the enemy by herself. And I knew. I had to stop waiting… waiting to be healed, to be set free, for someone to lay their hands on me and presto… I had to stop waiting for Jesus to do what He had already done! He already purchased my healing and freedom and defeated the enemy. I needed to take a stand and take action! Even if that meant going after the enemy alone (thankfully I’m not alone!) to inform him that I am no longer deceived, I know who I am, I know what I have, I know that he is a defeated foe, and I am here to enforce and take back what he’s stolen! Not really sure of what to do at that time, I tucked this away in my heart to ponder. 

Healing Journey Update 10

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—Not to make excuses, but I apologize for the delay in updating! Adding in buying and selling a home to our normal schedule has been 😳😅

9/28 Meet a Brazilian woman who was instantaneously healed of an extremely rare and serious, genetic, neurological disease earlier this year and is still being progressively healed (incredible story) 

10/3 I have not taken any drugs in a month! There has been struggle this past month; I don’t feel free to write about it yet as it continues and I refuse to give the enemy any footholds using my words! Still learning how to keep the ground I’ve taken back! 

*Saying something that isn't yet visible in the physical might look like a lie, but to say something that's a fact in the physical realm but not true in the spiritual is the real lie. 

10/5 The painting of the vision from 3/22 is complete! And beautiful! Here is the pdf of the actual 18"x24” acrylic painting.  

10/9 Ricky and I both realize that Holy Spirit has been sharing foreknowledge with us! 

10/14-27 Embark on first road-trip without prescription drugs and make it two weeks; nerves in legs feel stronger 

10/15 No more seatbelt in wheelchair! 

*My confidence first began when I had become convinced that this was Truth and I wasn’t going to budge, yet I was hesitant that I would be able to get rid of all unbelief and therefore access my healing in the physical realm. Even though I was sure physical healing was accomplished at the whipping post, I was constantly unsure if changes were really happening in my body. Despite doubting myself, I moved forward because Truth must be acted on. Then, my confidence shifted slightly. I knew that if I could persevere in believing and doing my routine, His faithfulness to His Word and promise would bring it to pass. But a couple months ago, my confidence shifted again. The more buddy-buddy I become with Holy Spirit and the closer we grow and unite, the more I can distinguish His voice and see His intimate involvement in me. Holy Spirit really is my Helper! I don’t have to worry about possible unbelief lurking somewhere or hoping that I can persevere and not grow weary, I can trust Him to help me (not to do it for me but to reveal, strengthen, and fill in the gaps)!

Prison Vision (from 20 years ago)

Twenty years ago, I was a senior in high school and participated in an event where you walk through the downtown area of your city, quiet and prayerful, but waving Jesus-banners. As the group of people gathered together beforehand, we all got in a circle and some leaders went around the circle, one-by-one, to pray with each individual (so, every person received prayer). I want to bring up one of those prayers I received.

In this specific prayer, God gave this man a vision of/for me. I know -- how do you remember this? Well, I've never understood what it meant and would oft recall it to ponder it over the past couple decades.

The vision: I am crouching in the corner of a dark, underground prison cell. Someone comes in (not sure of his position or who he is) and says to me, "Jesus has purchased your freedom. What are you still doing in here? Your cell door is unlocked, but you have to get up and walk out."

I was so confused for the first few years because I was free in Christ from the first day of my salvation. I knew I was free. I felt free. I walked in the freedom He gave me. Yeah... so I was perplexed. Eventually, I trusted that He would illuminate it. 

Within the past year, the vision popped into my head, and the Holy Spirit revealed its meaning to me. Hallelujah!

The interpretation: It applies to my physical healing! Jesus is the One who has allowed for my healing, but I have to do my part to work it out and make it happen -- to get up and walk out. Even back then soon after I fell in love with Jesus, He was revealing to me the need to take action!

Healing Journey Update 9

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9/15 PT noticed that I have more muscular control and looser hips; remove both side rests on wheelchair (for trunk stability) — “The disassembly of the wheelchair begins!” 

9/16 I got a massage today (from the lady who gave me one back in February). Half way through, she comments to Ricky, “She is so much better! Do you know why??" Music to my ears. Glory to God! 

*I have NO cares (1 Peter 5:7) 

             NO worries (Matthew 6:25) 

             NO fears (1 John 4:18) 

             NO needs (Philippians 4:19) 

         & NO wants (Psalm 23:1)! 

I have NO lack (Psalm 34:10) 

                            for God has given me 

             EVERYTHING (Romans 8:32, 2 Peter 1:3)!

 

9/25 I wrote a blog post looking back and recognizing the importance of taking action in all parts of salvation.

Salvation Involves Action

I don’t know why I never put two and two together. 

As I have mentioned before, any healing requires faith (hope in action), a result of obedience. Same goes for salvation. My own testimony bears witness! 

For at least a year before I came to Jesus with surrender and for newness, I would pray every single night, begging God to please forgive my wretched behavior that day and proceed to do the same sins the next day. No Jesus, no peace, no Holy Spirit, no power. I felt desperate and stuck, which led to several failed suicidal attempts. (I believed in God and knew about Jesus.) 

I met Jesus at a hockey game! It was the beginning of a radical transformation— "I returned home to change my books, music, entertainment, friends, clothes, etc. Suddenly, I could see God face to face, and I felt like I finally got rid of the wall of sin I had put up that was separating me from God. Finally, I could see Him clearly, see His love, and hear His voice. I could understand so much more.” (From a description I wrote about it soon after my salvation experience.) 

Whenever I would pray and plead everyday, I was just hoping that He would do it all. But that’s just hope and not faith. Faith is putting your hope into ACTION. Yet, when I did something (purged) to outwardly demonstrate my inward belief, SKADOOSH. The world changed, and He was right there (always was; I had erected the wall of sin between us, and I had to knock it down). 

Basically, I should have known. From the very beginning of my salvation, action has been dire and foundational. Just as action was the necessary and final step for salvation*, so it is for healing. Holy Spirit had shown me this truth over 21 years ago, and I’m just now getting it! 

*Not a good works, trying to earn salvation kind of action, but demonstrating that you believe you have received kind of action. By grace (Him) through faith (me)! [Ephesians 2:8-9]

Healing Journey Update 8

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*A right understanding of our triune being is foundational to bodily healing (and all growth!) I’ll try to put it in a nutshell. We are spirit, soul (mind, emotions, will), and body. When we are saved and become new creations, it’s our spirits that are made new, complete, and perfect! Not our bodies (we still look and likely feel the same) and not our souls (we usually still have the same habits, thoughts, and memories, leading us to wrongly believe that we still have the sin nature). It is our job to tell our souls to shut up, take a backseat, and learn to constantly submit to the spirit! The spirit realm must become the dominant realm we function in. This is why we must be in the Word all the time, renewing and retraining our minds to Truth! Now, the body is neutral (like money or computers or the internet). It will follow the path that it’s already on and do what it’s told. If your new spirit is telling the body one thing and your soul another, then your body is going to keep on its current course (double-mindedness), but if you can renew your mind and bring your soul into submission, then it’s two against one (spirit and soul unite and agree) the body must listen (this may take time for it to change course). Majority wins! One more thing. When we are saved, we receive God’s Holy Spirit into our spirit, but we can let Him out into our whole triune being through faith (and the Baptism of the Holy Spirit). He can help our souls (revealing mysteries, sharing wisdom, and quickening the Logos to us, leading us to act on that specific Word, so it can become Rhema) and our bodies (rest, rejuvenation, strengthening, healing) — Hallelujah! 

9/9 It’s been a whole week of freedom from drugs! Although my sleep is not as restful as I would like for it to be yet and my legs vibrate some during the day, I would become suicidal whenever I went over 72 hours without drugs in the past. I have tried three times over the last five years. (For all those who are skeptical, this is huge!) 

9/10 I began to notice that my legs were helping my arms lift up my body in the wheelchair about a month ago, and suddenly I noticed that my legs were doing the majority of the work just using my arms more for motivation and guidance in pushing my body up :)

9/12 My right leg hasn’t locked up in over a month! 

9/13 My ears had always been allergic to the metal in earrings. I had to massage them with Vaseline every night if I wanted to wear earrings the following day (and it didn’t always work). But, I haven’t had to use any Vaseline in over a month, and no allergic reactions :) 

*For over 20 years, I would boast that I didn’t really fear anything… except pain and torture. Looking back over the past year, I realize that I was reaping what I had sown!

Healing Journey Update 7

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9/1-4 Ricky and I, along with the two bigger kids, attend a church conference a few hours from here in the mountains of North Carolina. Within a day and a half, several things happen to our family making it apparent that Satan was attempting to keep me from the conference. I was under intense spiritual attack on the middle day (terrible UTI and uncontrollable urinating, chills and convulsions, vomiting and unable to eat, had a hard time even sitting up or opening eyes). I received much intercession and deliverance that evening. Despite feeling exhausted and depleted, my legs felt fine and didn’t twitch like they usually did at this point. So, I didn’t take either drug. I slept without taking them for the first time since I started using them over five years ago!! I was back to 100% Sunday (actually, WAY better!) [I intend to write a detailed account of our weekend and will link to it here, not to create a demons and deliverance theology but just to have a thorough documentation of my personal experience.]

9/6 Flush remaining drugs — I am NOT going back! Unlike the 1/23 experience when the spirit of affliction had fled and I didn’t take any drugs at first but ended up taking a little bit in the middle of the night because my legs were vibrating, I know what’s going on this time (whereas it took me a couple days to figure out what was happening back in January). Not only do I know what happened, but I also now know how to resist the Enemy and how to stand firm in the freedom of Jesus (Galatians 5:1) which I was not prepared to do before. 

*In thinking about why I hadn’t given up by now… While there are many things I could mention, it came down to Truth. You have to get to the point when you realize that pain does not determine whether you are healed or not. Only His Word is Truth and Reality. What you see and feel may be fact for now (facts change, truths don’t). If you can persist in believing and clinging to truth despite what you see and feel, what is true in the spiritual will (and must) come into the natural and physical realm!

Healing Journey Update 6

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8/19 For over a week, my left ear felt great inner pain (I could not touch anywhere near it or sleep on that side of my body, and it had begun shooting down my face into my jaw, making it hard to chew). I just kept resisting, attacking, and refusing to accept it. I didn’t care what it was, it had to leave this temple! I wasn’t going to tolerate it. After getting worse, it suddenly got better yesterday and is completely gone today - hallelujah!

8/20 Bladder strength is measurably improving; Twitching in legs has noticeably reduced (nerves in entire body are strengthening)

*I was recently thinking about all of my physical improvements and reading through this timeline, and I was so encouraged! While the visible improvements are debatable by skeptics as to their cause or origin, the plethora of inner ones is remarkable and unexplainable (I have not increased or added new pharmaceutical or vitamins, nor have I altered my diet, nor have I added on any new therapies or anything). I will list (recap) some of them: 

•  Scalp stopped itching
•  Ear wax has decreased a lot
•  Mouth sores have mostly stopped appearing
•  I can sleep on others’ pillows
•  I don’t get sick (I used to get every single thing the kids got!) 
•  Bladder and bowel strength have both improved 
•  The marble-sized lump on my back right love handle has disappeared 
•  No indigestion, acid reflux, or upset stomach ever 
•  No more demonic attacks 
•  Reduced daily pharmaceutical drug dosage of both prescriptions (now taking 1/5&1/3 of the original daily amounts)
• Both legs have stopped locking up in the hip (really painful)
•  Body temperature regulating and blood circulation (and color) have improved; I rarely sweat now 
•  Legs are twitching much less 
•  Sleep is getting better 

While I notice them all and Ricky recognizes several, I look forward to when outsiders can see what’s happening. I don’t want to judge the state of things with my eyes or feelings (carnally), yet I can’t help but be super excited for the imminent future!

Healing Journey Update 5

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8/4 I slept longer than normal, only woke once each of the past two nights briefly to turn over, and didn’t wake in any pain!! 

8/7 I use to have 2-3 mouth sores (on the inside) everyday, and now it’s only one every few days! 

8/8 I begin reducing one drug by a quarter the amount 

8/11 Sleep has definitely improved, waking much less and tossing/turning much less and waking in much less pain 

8/13 Legs are helping to push body up in wheelchair 

*When you speak or declare truth and nothing seems to happen right away, here’s what you don’t do. You don’t think or say in your heart,”Oh, nothing happened,” which is only heaping dirt on that seed just planted, making it take longer to surface. You just revealed unbelief (double-mindedness).. AND, you certainly don’t reinterpret Scripture to make it line up with your experience (thinking that since the Word is true and I need to protect its validity, I need to figure out what it must have really meant.) I did this every time I was prayed for over twenty years. Not realizing that some things take time, like when Jesus cursed the fig tree. It didn’t shrivel up right away but took a day to die (although, it probably stopped getting nutrients right when Jesus spoke). God set up the law of sowing and reaping. Normally, you don’t plant a seed one day and expect to see the harvest the next day (and exclaim, “Oh, it didn’t work!")

Healing Journey Update 4

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7/23 I got no sleep last night (exhausted!!) and my legs twitched all day. Despite that, I never felt under attack. I did fight most of the day to keep my guard up and not give the enemy an inroad to turn the exhaustion into affliction or torture. It was an unusual experience for me, but I think it’s significant. 

7/24 Cleaning ears less (once every 3-4 months now instead of monthly); I can do kegels now (I’ve been trying to for years but could only squeeze my butt); My scalp has stopped itching (after eight years!)

7/29 Right leg has been locking up less and less the past couple months and rarely does so now 

7/30 My legs are twitching less overall (both during the day and at night) 

*Jesus said believe that you have received and it will be yours (Mk 11:24, receive—>believe—>see/feel), not receive—>see/feel—>believe (carnal way of thinking; have to physically experience something using the five senses). Jesus encountered this over and over during His ministry— you get what you can believe for!

7/31 No attacks in two months now!

Healing Journey Update 3

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7/12 Sickness runs through the household this week, but not me 

7/13 Begin alternating legs when marching in wheelchair

7/14 PT says that I didn’t regress this time (after a trip); turning head to the right and left without falling over while sitting on bededge 

7/15 Although my handwriting doesn’t look vastly different from May and June (because it’s so loopy and swirly; that’s how it’s always been!), I’m able to connect 3-4 letters at a time versus two (cursive)! 

7/16 Able to unbuckle seatbelt in car 

7/18 I began to feel horrible pain inside the lower left part of my back (tender and excruciating to touch, nothing visible, did not feel like a sore or strained muscle) two days ago. After just two days of attacking it and blasting it with Truth, it’s completely gone!! 

7/19 Able to pull core back to center when torso sways a little to the right or left; Able to ease torso down from upright position to lying on knees, instead of flopping down, for crunches 

7/20 I weighed for the first time in eight months and lost over 20 pounds, which is irrelevant but still makes me happy 

*Most of my physical improvements thus far are only noticeable to me, while most of the changes have been internal work (which of course makes sense and is necessary). When you have been plagued by a chronic illness that you live with every moment of every day, the sickness becomes part of your identity— you live sick, you think sick, you are sick through and through… So, the first step has been to destroy all effects of sickness on my soul (mind, emotions, will). [Similar to how bamboo grows— sprouting some the first few years and getting set up before shooting up exponentially.]

Healing Journey Update 2

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7/4 Buckled the seatbelt in the car for the first time in years; can now consistently do my four different arm/torso stretches without being locked under a table (to prevent me from falling forward)

7/6 I used to be really hot-natured (liked it in the 60s at night in order to sleep and sweated very easily) and always kept it cool in our house all day long, but I now get cold at those same temperatures and can tolerate it much warmer (without sweating and for sleeping!); better blood flow?!

7/7 Met with a woman who had a similar muscular dystrophy as I had and worked out her full healing over two years about a decade ago (heard about her last summer)

7/9 Able to twist spine using one arm to help pull (versus two)

7/10 My love for God (Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit) only keeps increasing every day! This tops every good result and brings me ever-increasing, constant joy that doesn’t change depending on feeling or circumstance!

*Watering the soil (feeding the seeds/harvest with truth) causes both the grass and weeds to grow. The grass grows steady and the weeds shoot up. The more you are feeding on truth,  the easier it becomes to separate the grass from the weeds and pull up the lies! The truth doesn’t get rid of the lies but makes them stand out, so they’re easier for YOU to pull out… not His job, but our own work. (God doesn’t renew our minds for us! See Romans 12:1-2, Wuest translation)

Healing Journey Update 1

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6/24-7/9 Travel by car (trip) — Not much stretching or exercising or routine or quiet time when we travel but attempting to be more intentional about it! [I experienced progress this trip, compared to the one in April!]

6/26 Both of my ankles are bending up and down without my quad interfering and me having to hold my calf down to keep my knee bent about half the time (beginning to isolate muscles)

6/30 I have had no attacks in a month— YAY!! I have had pain every day, but I attack it right away, so the enemy doesn’t get in. The pain flees 5-30 minutes after I begin addressing it and refuse to tolerate it!

7/1 The kids and the four people we stayed with this past week all got a short-lived stomach bug (vomiting/diarrhea), but Ricky and I didn’t 

7/2 I used to need to warm up my calves and feet before bed every single night in order to fall asleep, but that has been necessary less and less over the past six months. And now, it’s only necessary about once every week or two! (Increased blood flow?!)

Timeline of Healing Journey

WARNING: Long read!

I will be posting updates as I can on the blog as well as adding them to the page on this blog (so the whole journey is recorded all together in one place).

[Pre-healing journey timeline (2016-19), not detailed like the one below] 

 July 2019-August 2021: Come to learn, receive and agree with the truth about healing and all of Scripture in its entirety (!!!); begin renewing my mind to the truth that I am already healed (just need to work out my salvation from my spirit into my flesh); all the while storing up questions (for two years!) [This is the mental assent of the Truth. Old Covenant mindset versus New Covenant mindset] 

September-October 2021: Gain mentor (who worked out her own healing) and begin asking my questions (who’s kind and patient enough to answer me and not give up on me); I begin to encounter several others who also chose (or are choosing) to work out their healing (1 Peter 2:24).

October 28: begin an “action plan” to enforce the healing I already have and Jesus already did and gave 

November-December 2021: The Enemy exponentially ramps up and intensifies the spiritual attacks (so we know that I must be on the right track to make him start lashing out like a trapped raccoon and trying to get me to give up) [Detailed list: family witnessed and can verify]  

January 2022: Progress begins! (I had reached a new physical low, after the last two months)

Transferred from the chair to the couch holding onto one hand 

This past fall and winter, while seasonal illnesses went through the family, things to which Aidan has been susceptible in the past, she showed strength. She was the least affected adult from covid. And in the last bad viral cough, the kids got it bad, I got it a little, but she didn’t get it at all—even while eating sugar. 

1/7 I turned over by myself twice during the night

Stopped taking Advil. 

1/11 Two advances- Voice texting has improved and my right foot is turning outward less 

1/12 I slept 6 hours straight last night! Sleeping well and waking much less often ever since. 

1/13 Naturally needing both of the drugs less often throughout the day. 

1/18-19 Kids got stomach bug and Ricky felt his body fighting it, but I never got it! (This has happened three times now! I use to get every sickness the kids got.) 

1/20 I did 50 sit-ups in the wheelchair before lunch today! 10 at night before bed (I couldn’t do any the night before.) 

1/21 53 sit-ups this morning 

1/22 55; This past week, I've halfed the daytime amount of one of the drugs I currently take, have been able to stay up later and don't need to drink coffee everyday (the Enemy is losing his hold)

1/23 I get in the recliner for over four hours without twitching (unheard of), no twitching or drugs all day or before bed, nerves in legs begin vibrating nonstop that evening but not twitching so I don’t take the drugs (I have been taking them on an as needed basis this month). My legs start twitching some after lying down but not violently like normal just like muscle memory, so I take half of the normal of drugs after a couple hours in order to fall asleep. (THE SPIRIT OF AFFLICTION HAS GONE!!!! After 4.5 years of horrible torture!)

1/24 60; took less of both prescription drugs last night; able to wiggle toes a bit on left foot; trying to figure out what is happening and friend confirms that the affliction is indeed gone and body is adjusting (received Word while in prayer for me this morning without any contact with me); legs still vibrating and shaky nerves like a drug addict going through withdrawals. I tell Ricky about this. 

1/25 70 sit-ups this morning; 2/3 of each drug last night and again tonight and none during the day 

1/26 I tell my mentor, older kids and mom about the spirit of affliction fleeing; and, develop game plan for moving forward 

1/27 74 sit-ups this morning; 2/3 of each drug last night and again tonight and none during the day 

1/28 81; 1/2 of each drug again tonight and none during the day 

1/29 82 crunches; 1/2 of each drug again tonight and none during the day; make “before" video and begin to publicize my healing journey to select individuals

1/30 1/3-1/2 of each drug again tonight and none during the day; research exercises for me to begin getting stronger so body can obey my commands 

1/31 Drugs are down to 1/5&1/3 of the original amounts, only take at night (might be able to wean body off faster but going down at a medium speed since nerves in legs still vibrate during the day); begin practicing some exercises 

2/1 Develop exercise plan 

2/3 Wake after two hours with restless legs and rise soon after to fight (new and separate attack to cause fear); flees and legs calm that afternoon and sleep that night; refused to take drug during the day and "silence" the Enemy when he must leave!; body is beginning to obey a few of my commands; right leg locks up less often; and, three toes on right foot move just a smidge! 

2/5-7 Attempt to go off drugs completely and sleeplessness and pain return (trying to wean too fast) 

 2/8-10 Slowly return to previous amount of drugs at night and none during the day; my core and arms are stronger from doing my current exercise plan twice a day; found a PT who does home visits and begin next week 

2/13 Make milestone calendar (goals of what I hope to accomplish for each month) 

2/14 PT assessment; falling over less often; spine is spinning more; knees try to lift a little on command (!); lifting up with arms and not twisting and falling over; right leg is lengthening some 

2/16 Voice text is improving (1/3 correct)

2/22 Spiritual attack this morning. Took five hours of combat before fleeing- left me physically weak and exhausted and achy. A week of discouragement and feeling like I have lost most improvements before now. 

*I know the enemy is feeding me lies that I’m not moving forward but getting worse in order to create fear and get me to give up. So, I press in and on, knowing that the way to advance in the natural is to first take ground in the spiritual. 

*I am being cautious about who I tell about my healing journey right now because I want to bless small beginnings and protect myself from doubts or hesitancies or wrong theology. 

2/24 Able to twist spine more; PT impressed with standing (with his help) and wants to reorder my goals. Sit on the edge of the bed by myself for two minutes! Stretching and exercising twice a day. 

2/28 Lifting knees higher on command; horizontal marching has improved in speed and strength (just after several days); my breasts are evening out (spine curving less?); only one small bowel accident the past month (usually 4-6x/month) 

*God has done the impossible (dealt with and removed the enemy). I fully believe that. So I put my faith into action and do the possible. (Hebrews 11:1, being sure and certain is taking action, NOT just waiting for God to do what He’s already done.)

*I have been living the I CAN'T and I DON'T lifestyle for over 20 years, so it's deep in me. That thinking has to be uprooted and go! My nerves have been degenerating a long time. Now, we wake them up (as Jesus did Lazarus) and turn the Titanic around, not quick or easy 

3/3 PT pleased with progress; feeling stronger overall (trying to watch every word I speak to avoid giving Satan any footholds and my body permission to not be in perfect health [align with God’s Word]) 

3/6 Haven’t had a long-lasting spiritual attack in two weeks (yay!); leg relaxes on my command better; Some PT stretches and exercises are improving (Thigh clapping has improved; Able to bend forearm at wrist now; Can do the hand sliding sit-ups much more easily; Fingertip touches are more accurate; Able to lift ring finger on left hand off of table; Able to slide thumbs towards index finger without bending) 

3/9 Handwriting is becoming more legible and I am able to sign my name again (it’s been about a year); handwriting progress in pictures

3/11 God has been giving and unveiling a vision for me, slowly over the last month. I think it'd be helpful to see it in pictures in addition to just writing it down with words. I have recruited a friend to draw it for me. So when the drawings are done, I’ll share both the pictures and the vision: HERE

3/14 Sat on bededge for 2&1/2 minutes (was 2) 

3/20 Sat on bededge for 3&1/3 minutes (was 2.5); held breath for 35s (compared to 30s just days ago!) 

3/22 Received an image-vision of me as a warrior wearing armor and forcefully advancing and moving forward behind my shield, extinguishing fiery darts (I am getting this one painted by my friend and will attach it when it’s done)

3/26 Able to bend left ankle up (could only point toes); unbuttoned my jean jacket; after falling over while sitting on toilet, able to push self off of the wall and restabilize 

3/28 Able to write small enough to fit words on one line! handwriting progress in pictures

3/30 Ricky and I both notice that my trunk is stronger and more stabilized when doing normal stuff 

3/31 Received an image-vision (this one was like a comic strip) is with only three scenes — 

1. A beautiful, strong two-story house surrounded by a dead lawn (dirt and patches of yellow-brown grass) that was filled with some tents and a bunch of junk (it looked gross).
2. Me sticking my head out of a second-story window facing the backyard and yelling. 
3. Green grass begins growing and shooting out of the house and moving into the yard as I was shouting. 

Interpretation —

1. The house is my spirit (built up by my faith on a firm foundation). The lawn is my body, which the enemy was illegally trespassing on and having a heyday in. 
2. The yard was vacant, so I must have already done my duty as a child of God and arrested and evicted the enemy. Since I was not commanding the enemy, I must have been decreeing truth and speaking to the lawn, my body.
3. New life was growing and moving out into my body! 

4/4 I was able to decrease one of the drugs I take (nerves in legs finally feel stronger!) 

4/5 A little depression came, but I combatted it with the Word/Truth, and it left after half an hour (versus half a day!) 

4/6 Held breath for 40s (was 35s) 

4/8-4/18 Travel by car (trip) — Not much stretching or exercising or routine or quiet time when we travel 😔 (We drive somewhere new almost everyday!) I refused to increase the drug amounts despite experiencing much leg pain in car. Trunk stability improvement remained as I was less wobbly on different toilets. 

4/21 PT today said that I regressed some, but what I see or feel doesn’t matter as the Truth remains (that I am healed by His stripe!); Able to slow and control the hand sliding sit-ups much better!

4/24 Yesterday I felt really strong in every way, and then last night was tough (pain, leg locking up, soreness) with it continuing for a couple hours after rising (compared to 2/3/22). We fought and it fled, but it was different. Although I felt the pain (and pain SUCKS), I was able to disconnect myself from it. It didn’t lead to panic, but I could easily remain steadfast as I fought (like a pillar in the water— not moved by the wind or the waves, pain or current limitations). [“I don’t care what I see or feel, I AM HEALED. It’s my birthright, and I am in blood covenant with the King!”] Pins and needles right now. Expectancy is rushing through me, but not the waiting kind. I know that it takes faith and action together for healing both to come and to stay. (Hebrews 11:1, being sure and certain is taking action, NOT just waiting for God to do what He’s already done.) 

4/25 Able to lift knees just enough for them to get themselves off of the footstool (without me having to lift them up with my arms or slide/force them off) 

4/28 Held breath for 45s (was 40s); thigh-clapping speed has increased 

5/1 A 6-hr intense attack that continued for off and on for 13 more hours! One of the worst. Keep wondering when the enemy is going to give up. I know that he is just hanging on, trying to outlast me and hoping that I’ll give up first. (I am certain, determined, expectant and hopeful because my confidence is His faithfulness.) 

5/3 Kids begin fighting off a sinus infection and I don’t get sick (with anything anymore!) 

5/4 After traveling five days ago (bed at 3a) and the attack the next day, my body just now feels back to normal 

5/5 I begin to pray in tongues every spare moment (that I’m not needed or around non-family) to hone my listening skills and gain more insight 

5/6 Holy Spirit begins to reveal and expound and teach and help me a lot!! Although my physical body is showing minute visible changes, I realize that I am still experiencing much (spiritual) growth 

*70% of the healed lose their healing because they aren’t prepared to fight the enemy when he attacks again and don’t know how to keep the healing should it return. So, I am thankful that I am learning how to stand firm now and, thus, be able to retain my complete, physical healing. 

*I realize that I talk a lot about attacks and fighting and battles. I know I can rest in Him (and I do!) because He has already conquered and defeated the enemy! His Word is settled and it is done. Period. I’m simply enforcing this truth and my freedom here on earth. (Believers have the right and responsibility to bring and release the Kingdom of God on earth.) It is hard, but it is simple. 

5/7 Transfer to theater seat (versus remaining in the wheelchair for 3+ hours) for the first time in years 

5/8 Pushing self up in wheelchair to full extent of arms; When I lean forward, my legs can put themselves up on the footstool; Stabilizing trunk off of backrest has improved slightly; Punching accuracy has improved slightly 

5/9 Didn’t have to wake Ricky up for help the previous two nights and I didn’t wake up in a lot of pain; however, I did last night. But this is still noteworthy for me! 

5/14 6-hr exhausting attack 

5/15 Forcibly reduce secondary drug by 1/2 the amount 

5/16 Both ankles noticeably bend up and down on command (exciting!); necessary for walking 

5/17 Another long attack 

5/19 And yet another (so sore had to cancel PT today for the first time) 

5/21 Another 

5/22 Completely stop taking the muscle relaxant drug 

5/24 Another long attack (worn); tell two friends situation with drug and pain and attacks 

5/25 Get more muscle relaxant but don’t take it (I got it to use as needed, not wanting to take it on a regular basis) 

5/25-6/6 No more long-lasting attacks and no muscle relaxant! Only one drug now. 

*When physical pain first shows, I must deal with it right away and not tolerate it because if I do, then I am agreeing with it, which both allows it to continue and gives the Enemy a foothold to use the pain for his evil purposes. But if I attack it right when it comes (I have an attack pain plan), it stops. (“Also I see pain as one of the enemies wiles to try to get us out of the Spirit and into the flesh, his territory.” -Josie, a friend)

5/26 PT said progress continues (still doing exercise plan daily) 

5/29 Able to briefly hold self up by legs and ease down in wheelchair (legs getting stronger!) 

5/30 Zero sleep last night. Worst attack I’ve ever had (20 hours). I know it’s because I publicized no more attacks- typical enemy strategy. So hard to fight when tired in bed, which is when it began. I took 3x the muscle relaxant of what I used to take to no effect! 

5/31 Propped self up on elbows in bed once this morning (from lying on back position) 

*I am not trying to get healed; I already am healed. 

I am not trying to defeat the Enemy; he’s already defeated.

I am not trying to gain the victory; I already have the victory! 

I AM ENFORCING. 

*Like a policeman- he has all authority and every right to kick out enemies, stop illegal activity, and arrest criminals. But, he has take action (do something and use it!) for anything to happen. Having the authority doesn’t do any good unless he uses it. He must enforce!! 

6/4 Body is sore in the hip/ab/back/core area from the muscles growing there (this past week); able to look around on stair-lift chair while it moves and not fall over or be fearful of loosing balance and toppling (haven’t done that in several years!) 

6/6 I begin to take the previous amount of muscle relaxant again at night for several reasons— sleeping 4 hours each night was wearing, waking up in pain and rising to combat it to prevent the enemy from getting a foothold and attack me still took an hour every morning, but mainly because my vigor in fighting/enforcing was not as strong throughout the day (so I think that I will do it [wean off drug] again once my body gets a little stronger.) Of course there’s the temptation to feel defeated, but that’s a lie from the enemy because the Word tells me I am the victor! So, I take captive that lying thought and destroy it with Truth!

6/8 Make some adjustments/clarifications with PT regarding exercises and expectations concerning time 

6/9 My faith and confidence are soaring- yay!! Beginning to notice and reject the innumerable lies that the enemy feeds me all day long- phew! 

6/11 My legs can put themselves up on the footstool WITHOUT leaning forward (see 5/8), just gripping wheels in upright position

6/13 Haven’t had any bowel accidents in several months 

6/16 Able to peel my own bananas; beginning to consistently buckle the seatbelt in the wheelchair myself 

*I am learning why the Bible says so much about needing to persevere in the faith, persist in believing and doing the Word, not giving up, staying and standing strong, being confident and unwavering and immovable—having grit. The only way to lose is to quit!

**I did not know when to publicly share this. I thought that I would wait until the changes become noticeable or undeniable (just to avoid skepticism, doubts, questions, and… pressure! I don’t want to feel the pressure to perform and get results and get my focus off of Abba! And I currently don’t have any extra time to respond to emails, even if I wanted to reply). I opted to go ahead and divulge what has been happening with me, because I want others to glorify God with me for the advances and see this miracle unfold 🥰👏🏼🙌🏼  (6/18/22)

“Buildrior” Vision

“Buildrior” Vision

God has been giving and unveiling a vision, slowly since February. The vision began with God showing me that I was the “Buildrior” (builder/warrior) in Nehemiah 4:17, working to rebuild my temple walls with one hand while having to wield the Sword with the other, being ready to fight off enemy attacks at the same time. (My body being the temple of the Holy Spirit, 1 Corinthians 6:19. The sword is the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, Ephesians 6:17 and Hebrews 4:12. You use the Sword by decreeing the Word of God, speaking it with force and great strength.)

Everything Holy Spirit gives is treasure in the temple (Ephesians 1:18). And the stones in the wall are New Testament directions. Keeping these numerous commands doesn’t get you salvation or the treasure, but builds your temple strong to protect you and the treasure from the enemy, the great liar and deceiver (John 8:44), who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10).

The legs symbolize the joy and strength of the LORD (Nehemiah 8:10, Isaiah 26:4), which upholds. The sandals represent action (1 Peter 5:9), without which faith is dead and void (James 2:17-26) and the Word of God has no effect (must be believed and acted on). The soles are the blood of Jesus, which tread on and overcome the enemy (Revelation 12:11).

I am clothed in hope (Romans 5:5). Therefore, the Buildrior is named Faith and is the embodiment of faith, because faith is putting hope into action (Hebrews 11:1).

The headband is Isaiah 50:7 and represents perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3, Philippians 4:7). 

My sash is a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7, Ephesians 6:10, 1 Corinthians 13:2), and the headband stands for  perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3, Philippians 4:7). 

In the building hand, there is a trowel. The trowel is my voice, and knowledge is the handle (you have to both know God and how to use your voice to be beneficially effective.) Beside me, is a bucket of mortar, which represents my words. (My thoughts are the main ingredient comprising the mortar, Philippians 4:8.) The words I speak can either build the wall strong, making it impenetrable, or weaken the wall, causing the stones to become loose, unstable, and likely crumble out, giving the enemy a foothold to scale the wall and get into the temple (John 10:10). The bucket itself is symbolic of grace, which should surround every word spoken (Colossians 4:6)

Around my waist is a tool belt, which is revelation (Ephesians 1:17-18) — necessary for using spiritual tools and weapons.

There are two weapons — the sword of the Spirit (detailed above) and a bag of stones with a slingshot. The weapons must be used by Faith (the Buildrior) to be purposely effective. The stones are the names of Jesus, declarations about who God is (His nature/character, His promises, and what He has done), affirmations about who I am, and commands-- all being hurled at enemy when spoken with power and authority (the slingshot, which takes practice).

There are tools, along with the weapons, in the tool belt:
    •    Tongues (Jude 20-21)
    •    Praise (Psalm 22:3, 2 Chronicles 20:22)
    •    Prayer (Ephesians 6:14)

---

Family Mosaics

I realize that it looks like I just gave up on posting about the family every month, but I haven’t! After the six-week road-trip last summer, Ricky got me a new iMac. Since I only know Windows and minuscule extra time, the learning curve has been daunting and thus put off! So. I have finally finished going through 2021 pictures. Once I learn iMovie, I’ll recap June through December last year and hopefully recap January through April/May/June (?) of this year after that. Hopefully, the Mosaic posts will return to a monthly basis like the Ponderings :)

2005 Demonic Attack

I realized recently that I never documented the demonic attack from Thanksgiving 2005 (this was the only one until 2017). While I DO NOT intend to instill ANY fear or make our Enemy out as worthy of ANY fear (Luke 12:4-5), l am mentioning this experience because I have heard many times over that this kind of attack tends to be a common tactic. 

This occurred when I was home for Thanksgiving break during my third year of college (before I was married). It must have been a couple days before Thanksgiving because I remember announcing during the daytime that I was going to be in charge of doing the Thanksgiving activity and what it was (don’t remember now, but I’m sure it involved praising and thanking God!) 

While I was sleeping, I had a dream that turned into a nightmare. I don’t think it’s important, but I’ll record what I remember of it for posterity. I was playing softball and then went “home" to play the organ/piano. 

As I was playing, I began to blow up like a blueberry and then I heard cackling. I stopped playing the organ, but the music and evil laughter continued as I was blowing up. I could no longer breathe. So, I decided to wake up. 

Upon waking, the wicked cackling and choking carried over and continued. I couldn’t move. My eyes were darting around in the pitch black. My mind was racing. I wanted to call out to Jesus to come help me, but I couldn’t talk. I remember thinking repeatedly that it wasn’t a fair fight because I couldn’t even get the name of Jesus out! I may have felt a little panic, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it. 

I closed my eyes so I could muster every ounce of energy I had and squeezed out an audible Jesus!*

Immediately, the choking ended and the intense darkness fled. I gasped and could again see the streetlight shining through my bedroom window like normal. 

After regaining my breath, I yelled for my mom. I wanted to tell her what happened, have her pray over me, and stay with me until I fell back asleep.

The end. 

I don’t remember how I felt afterwards, but it doesn’t matter. (Feelings are untrustworthy and should never determine your actions or words!) 

*The point of this retelling is the power of Jesus’s name! (It’s not simply the word jesus or being a Christian that does the trick. It’s knowing the power and authority that is in the name of Jesus. Not a mental assent but an immovable surety!!)

Enforcing Victory

I am not trying to get healed; I already am healed. 

I am not trying to defeat the Enemy; he’s already defeated. 

I am not trying to gain the victory over the Enemy; I already have the victory!

I AM ENFORCING. 

(Like Super Bowl champ Cooper Kupp said… we can play from victory instead of for victory!)

Resolutions for 2022

Just like last year, I am making two similar resolutions — one regarding diet and the other spiritual, but it’s impacting every area of my person. 

1) Intermittent fasting (eating between 

1-7pm), one meal a day plus snacks, little to no sugar, and limit coffee and wheat (within reason).

2) I have timers set for every hour to remind me to declare Scripture. I have been doing this since Thanksgiving, and it’s incredible how it really does alter your world and help renew the mind! I’m also repeating affirmations with the older kids every three days. 

Holy-days {Advent & Christmas 2021)

[edited version of the 2017 Advent post]

Simple. Focused. Intentional.

That is our motto for this time of year.

If you want bunches of ideas for celebrating Christmas, you should probably go to Pinterest. We are more about cutting out a lot of the hoopla -- going for special and memorable (yes) but simple. It is Jesus' birthday; so, we focus on Advent ("waiting with hope", although now we are waiting for His second coming) and then throwing a birthday party for Jesus. Simple as that. Although, we also like to enjoy the 12 of Christmas (after Christmas Day) and Epiphany on January 6th. This was the fourth year we were home on Christmas Day! Here is what we did this year—

Devotionals: We were not able to do one together as a family this time, but Aolani did the Truth in the Tinsel devotional/activity for toddlers with Raphael. We just set out all our other devotional books for the kids to look at whenever. 

Activities: Sometime in the course of each day, we:

• Read a Christmas book. I arranged and stacked all of the Christmas books we own according to our schedule (I usually get some new ones every year). Then, Aolani would get one out each day. The big kids typically would read them out loud. 
• Schooling: We took the month off!
• The Truth in the Tinsel devotional/activity for toddlers 
• This year we did an Advent Activities Calendar. I came up with 24 things to do, one for each day leading up to Jesus' birthday. I adjusted the calendar so that the daily activities suited our monthly plans. We always end up altering or switching some days as plans change. The list of this year's activities are below. 

1. Decorate our home and puppy tree while listening to new Christmas album
2. The Chosen Christmas show with Mimi
3. Little Guatemala coffee cart with friends and neighbors 
4. Dance to Christmas music
5. Watch Home Alone 1&2 with hot chocolate
6. Celebrate St. Nicholas Day by making fudge, reading his biography, and watching the Veggie Tales about him with family friends
7. Make a pillow bed on floor and watch Christmas cartoons 
8. Make snowflake window art
9. Make pipe-cleaner poinsettias 
10. Watch Christmas movie marathon and share popcorn
11. Board game marathon
12. Puzzle
13. Make and decorate gingerbread houses with Mimi
14. Make a birthday meal for Micaiah 
15. Pick out and wrap Jesus’ birthday gifts
16. Fancy dress tea and luncheon with friends 
17. Plan and prep for birthday party
18. Micaiah’s birthday party with friends and cupcakes  
19. Watch The Star at Mimi’s
20. Act out the nativity story with friends 
21. Make Puppy Chow
22. Watch The Nativity Story movie under blankets
23. Family Christmas dinner party
24. Make breakfast casserole for Christmas Day brunch 
25. Throw Jesus a birthday party! 

Hung in our kitchen 

Decorations: We chopped down our own little Christmas tree this year (from a neighbor’s yard) and decorated it with my 29 puppy ornament collection and a homemade paper star. We also have other items (ornaments, stockings, nativity sets...) on display and hanging around. We so enjoyed hanging icicle lights from the ceiling of our hallway! We keep the Christmas music playing. Also, we simply hang the Christmas cards we receive on ribbon with clothespins. 

Our homemade Jesse tree ornaments 

Church City (two villages from Ricky’s grandma and two from our neighbors)

Treats: Our treats were almost daily this year -- popcorn and M&Ms, hot chocolate and chai tea, sugar cookies, gingerbread houses, cupcakes, Puppy Chow, mini cheesecakes, mint chocolate mousse, peppermint bark, all kinds of chocolates and other goodies...

Presents:  This was our seventh year of doing it differently. We want to teach our kids that just as they get presents on their birthday, Jesus gets the gifts on His birthday (see Matthew 25:45) -- just keeping it simple (and imitating St. Nicholas!). After I had collected like a dozen (charitable) gift catalogs over the past month or so, we spread them out, allotted each person an equal amount of money, and let them go! Yet, we do buy a few gifts for ourselves as a family and some friends that are to encourage in the upcoming year, which we are going to do on Epiphany (January 6th this year). [Yes, our kids get gifts from us throughout the year as does Jesus, but we all know that birthdays are special for the birthday person ;)]

Christmas Day activities and traditions: This has quickly become my favorite day of the year! This year, we ended up cooking our big meal the night before and  that morning before our guests arrived (breakfast casserole, cinnamon rolls, applesauce and banana bakes). We pray much beforehand about who to invite -- poor, needy, lonely... This year, we got to share our celebration with our adopted grandma Mimi. After we ate brunch, and we watched Buck Denver Asks, Why Do We It Christmas? Then, we went outside to talk about gifts from God this past year to give him thanksgiving. Afterwards, we all napped and then did our annual scavenger hunt. This was so much fun again! This year we had nine clues, and the theme was Spiritual Weapons (2 Corinthians 10:3-5) — Scripture (Hebrews 4:12), Faith (1 Timothy 6:12), Praying in tongues (Jude 20-21), Praise (Psalm 22:3, 2 Chronicles 20:22), Joy (Nehemiah 8:10), Prayer (Ephesians 6:16), Words (Proverbs 18:21), Action (1 Peter 5:9), and the Blood of Jesus Christ (Revelation 12:11). Then, we ate the gingerbread house that Aolani had made,sang Happy Birthday, and shared with each other what we had individually selected for gifts to give Jesus (we had written down our selections on paper and put them in tins under our little tree; Aolani got to choose for baby Morgan). Ricky and the three older kids went to the airport to pick up Ricky’s mom (who came to visit for a week) while Mimi helped me put Morgan to bed before leaving herself. It was a great sixth Christmas-at-home doing what we wanted and look forward to next year!

Hope you had CHRISTmas joy in your celebrations and preparation for the coming of the King!