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Soon after I posted in May, I got sick again for over a month, with a gradual decline and a slow recovery. Both improvements I had mentioned from early May—sleep and questioning—revert back.
6/17 Had another short-clip vision of an egg beginning to hatch. Then, it stops cracking for several days. (While it seems dormant on the outside, the chick keeps growing inside the shell.) Suddenly the egg begins to crack again and the chick quickly hatches. (This was supposed to be reflective of my healing.)
I use to always connect myself with the sick when I thought I was one of the sick and would read the Gospels — wanting Jesus to touch me or to touch Him. But then my eyes were opened. They were all sick unbelievers. Even the disciples didn’t yet have the Spirit of God in them making them new creations and giving them new hearts (that didn’t happen until Pentecost). That only leaves Jesus. I must see myself as Jesus and no one else when reading the Gospels. Duh. Jesus and I are one. We are His Body. As He is, so am we. We are God’s ambassadors. We are believers filled with the same Spirit of God and dunamis power! Just this one change of thought made a huge impact on me, opening my eyes and revolutionizing my way of thinking.
We left for a month on a road-trip in mid-July. Holy Spirit revealed a lot to me…
As you know, I had been plagued with why questions. Soon after we left, Holy Spirit told me that even the questions are lies. This has drastically changed my thought life and outlook! Now, I can take those thoughts captive and throw them out instead of having them steal my peace and upset me!!
This pertains to the Buildrior vision I had last Spring (2022)… If you remember, the stones that comprised the temple walls represented New Testament commands. Holy Spirit told me that the stones are love. I asked Him to explain. Even though each stone may be a different kind or size or shape or color or name, it is still a stone. In the same way, each stone symbolized a different New Testament directive, but the stones were and are love (meaning their purpose, motive, and goal is love). Just as there are many different kinds of animals, but they are all still animals.
7/17 Holy Spirit whispered to me, "As you mount My heart, you will get stronger. It is in the depths of My love that you will find your healing, so go deeper." I remember that it felt romantic 💘 About a week later, He told me, "We’re going to get it," talking about my healing. It made me smile (and cry happy tears) because He didn’t say, "You’re going to get it." He was emphasizing our intimacy and union! He is so tender and loving 🥰
On the trip, I started getting these little visions of people a lot (I would get them sporadically before but nothing like now). I call them prophetic visions as they are meant to encourage/exhort/edify/comfort but usually don’t pertain to the future. I can control them in the sense that I can just focus on the person, and voila! Holy Spirit shows me (not because of me but because He loves the person!) I know that they're not from me because I couldn't come up with them if I tried, as I really struggle to be imaginative.
While they are usually for other people, Holy Spirit has shown me a few for myself so far (and several for my family). I am thankful!
We got to visit the International House of Prayer in Kansas City for a day during the trip. While in prayer room, I was asking Holy Spirit how to minister to God, and He revealed to me that I should worship the Lord, receive from Him, and then I give what I have received.
8/10 "The clock will be rewound." (Tongues interpretation)
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 5:7
How do you resist the devil? Submit to God.
How do I submit to God? Present your body parts as living sacrifices!
We don’t have to obey Scripture, have it all together and do everything right in order to get healed, but we must be very careful watching our words and keeping the whole counsel of His Word (2 Tim 3:16-17) in order to keep the Enemy out of our bodies and souls (mind, emotions…) and from wreaking havoc. We cannot expect healing in our bodies take root if we are…
- cursing other people (I’m not referring to cuss words, but speaking to or of a person about their behavior [typically something they did that you don’t like] usually using superlatives or sarcasm which just destines that behavior to repeat itself and is ultimately cursing the person.)
- thinking negatively or with pessimism
- angry or bitter, which just gives satan footholds
- complaining (there are so many ways we adults have tried to explain this away and call it different names in order to make it acceptable)
- giving into your emotions (your spirit has been born again and made new, not your soul/emotions which need to be crucified and renewed daily)
- any sin really, because you’re just welcoming the Enemy and giving him permission to land in your heart and bring all the destruction he wants
- issuing threats (stemming from anger and a lack of faith and selfishness)
- lying (intentionally not keeping your word)
- not doing what you say you’re going to do (not letting your yes be yes and your no be no, more unintentional)
- actually anything not spoken in faith and love just releases deadly poison (James 3:8) into your body, think acid slowly eating away metal or those experiments showing the effects of words on water and rice (tons of YouTube videos of both)
You cannot speak haphazardly or emotionally-driven and expect your words to carry weight, especially in the spiritual realm (mountains to move and your commands to be obeyed). Our speech is to be honest, accurate, and full of love… seasoned with salt and full of grace (Colossians 4:6).
Let me reiterate this because this right here is HUGE (and what Holy Spirit has been trying to show me since the beginning of this journey): You do not have to do anything to get God to heal you (you don’t have to ask or beg Him because it’s already done and He already gave it.) We do the Word of God to protect ourselves and keep our defenses strong from the Destroyer!
(My mentor wrote this to me back in February 2021. I didn’t really grasp the truth and importance of this as much as I do now—
"I'll tell you what helped me and [my husband], especially as I was working through my healing. We made a rule that we didn't speak about pain or discouragement or anything else literally only Ephesians 4:29 and only Philippians 4:8. There was no venting even between us. We only vent in tongues together or apart. The only time we acknowledge pain levels etc. like I've encouraged you is to write it for your notes. Not even speaking it. So if you're going to speak it you only say I'm in less pain today, in other words only in the positive. And only with praises to God.. Does that make sense? So, if you've been in so much pain or discouragement because of whatever, you would only ever say it and phrase it in a way that indicated victory or that indicated the strategy to get victory. For example, if you've been in pain or hurt more lately than before, you would say something like I believe I'm supposed to pray in tongues a lot more today or I need to have a praise session. Without saying it, Ricky would understand that you've been in more pain, so would your family. You're basically using code but by doing so you're watching your mouth, you were giving your body direction (praise and speaking in tongues) and you're also giving your faith steps to take, all the while you are not giving in to complaining or giving life to what Satan wants you to give life to. Does that make sense? You have to do this with everything you've got because everything you say will reproduce.”)
Grace is NOT overlooking sin, which ends up being nothing but an excuse to keep on sinning (staying stuck because it’s too hard to stop and Jesus paid for it and God understands and has more grace anyway?!). That is what I learned my whole Christian life, and it’s WRONG! It is not a permission slip to just try harder. The correct definition of grace is an empowering strength, which enables us not to sin in the first place! This comes from the Spirit of God, which every believer has but has to learn to hear and heed (this takes practice).
I am just now moving into all of this and stumble quite a bit, but whenever I do I am able to smile and thank God that His Spirit is working in me and speaking to me and helping me and guiding me into all truth, that He has not created me to sin but called me to newness and life, that He loves me and does not give up on me, that I am growing in faith and love and knowledge, that I am becoming more sensitive to Holy Spirit, that I am getting up and persevering and moving forward and drawing near to Him! Hallelujah!! (This is how I turn a stumbling into sin that used to lead me into self-pity, discouragement, depression and despair, woe-is-me self-centeredness, and sorrowful attitude into now being able to immediately praise Him with a pure heart [1 John 1:9]… simply put, do not focus on the falling down but on the getting up!)
Before I get out of bed every morning, I declare:
I am strong. I am healed. I am free. I have faith. I have love. I have life.
I realize this post sounds heavy on the Spirit, but I was in the Word ditch too long. It’s so thrilling to be on the road between the ditches where the two are in perfect balance keeping you on the path!
9/17 I was asking the Lord what book of the Bible I should read next, and I looked up. A long strip of paper like a banner stretched across the sky, and the Word of God was written on it. These large drops of water started coming from it and falling on me like rain. I immediately knew that I was being washed with the water of the Word, and I heard, "It won’t stop." And I knew that He was telling me that no matter what I read in the Book, He is always going to bring fresh revelation (there is no end; it won’t stop). Then, Holy Spirit impressed upon me exactly what to read next.
9/18 I tell Ricky that I am the happiest I have ever been. And it’s definitely not because my circumstances have changed or gotten better. It’s because I’m getting to know the Helper, my Best Friend, within me — and He gives incredible joy! And just this week, I am sleeping better!
There’s so much more I could and want to write, but it’ll have to wait… Dan Mohler has the most biblically accurate theology I have ever come across.
