Growing with Your Children

Several times this past year, I have felt like I am at my wits’ end with the kids. I began to have suspicions that it had something to do with not adjusting my parenting as they grew older.

For four years straight, I would annually create new charts for chores, school schedule and consequences according to their personalities, struggles, and abilities. But the past two years have been such an upheaval, that I never got around to it and thought that it would be okay if I skipped a year. I missed it again at the beginning of the year. I was paying for it.

A few weeks ago Ricky watched the kids one day and let me regroup. I made three new charts for chores, screentime rules, and consequences. They have really helped bring me some order, relief, and peace. Kids need age-appropriate expectations.

I won’t be skipping next year!

Revolving Doors

• April: We had lots of guests, dinners and cookouts, taxes, our birthdays, annual cabin adventure with friends, and my mom coming to help us prepare for our 8-week trip around North Carolina (and a little into South Carolina, Virginia, Tennessee, and Kentucky).
• Ricky’s social media posts will have to do for our recent 8-week trip around North Carolina: Instagram and YouTube. I need to upload the pictures from Instagram of our trip because we took most of the pictures Ricky’s phone, which died during the trip.
• Last week of June: My mom helped us unpack and get settled; a friend watched the baby while we all went to see Aladdin; Ricky taught VBS at a local church; we had three other appointments and four parties, including a moving party as our church finally got to move into its building (after meeting in a high school for 18 years)!
• Raphael's romps: His vocabulary is beginning and growing! First words (not in order) — no, stop, don’t, wawa (water), nunna (he calls all food banana), mama, dada, whoa, duhdoh (all animals are dogdog),wats dat?, meme (Mommy’s milk supply), bawl (ball), buh (bug), book (but the ‘k’ is silent)...

• School verses: Micaiah -- Psalm 23:5-6, Joshua 1:9, Matthew 7:7, John 14:6, John 13:34, Philippians 2:14-15, Psalm 119:11 ; Aolani — Acts 17:25, Matthew 6:20-21, Matthew 6:31-34, Mark 12:30-31
• Verses I memorized: 2 Chronicles 7:14, Matthew 28:19-20, Rev 1:5-8, Isaiah 50:4-5, Titus 3:3-7
•  Trip quote log:

“Mommy, can I bring my whole Lego bin... my whole big Lego bin? Can I Mommy? Can I bring that?” Micaiah 

“Her face talks.” friend MJ, about Aolani. 

"Is this Florida?" Micaiah

"Mommy, I think me and Micaiah got Daddy’s silly genes and not your serious genes." Aolani 

"Daddy, I think I’m going to be a smart butt. I don’t know that I am, but I think I am." Micaiah

“All I heard in the car was [crunch] [crunch] [crunch] [crunch].” Aolani

“Mommy, do you know what day it is?” Micaiah “Is it the day I die?” Aidan (wishfully)

“That’s my daddy. He’s hilarious.” Aolani 

“You’re trying to make Alli [our friend] lose her brain.” Micaiah  

"Have you ever killed anyone, Ms. M?” Aolani 

“I’m becoming a night owl, but I don’t want to. I’m trying to stop.” Micaiah 

"Daddy, I know where everyone is going to sleep, okay? I got sleeping rituals." Aolani 

“I’m about as tall as collegers. People that go to school are short. People that do school at home are tall.” Micaiah

"I’m a good forest doctor." Aolani 

“I can’t wait till a robber comes to our house.” Micaiah

"Daddy, does bargain mean you don’t want to listen and you wanna throw up? That’s what Micaiah said." Aolani 

“Now I know it doesn’t take two people to lift those blueberries.” friend MB

“Every time I wake up in the morning and I watch TV, I don’t like it. I get lazy.” Micaiah 

"My real name is just too hard. You can call me Lizzy.” Aolani 

"I’m a grown-up boy, Daddy. I don’t like watching TV, I’m picking up, I'm obeying, and I get my sleep. Watching TV gets me bored." Micaiah 

"Did you get Micaiah’s diaper bag?" friend MB

“This guy—he’s a later.” Aolani 

"I love watching his little feet run." Micaiah 

"You mean, I can do that (kick someone in the nuts) when someone robs me? Aolani "Yeah." Daddy "I can’t wait until someone robs me." Aolani 

"You guys are such good parents." Micaiah 

"Mommy’s breath smells like strawberries. Your breath smells like a wrap with pickles that’s been overcooked." Aolani

"It’s just life, Daddy. It’s just life." Micaiah, on losing his thumbuster AGAIN 

"Places that end in 'world' are way better than places that end in 'land'." Aolani 

Being a missionary is hard.

Being a missionary is hard.

I know, I know. There are many ways it’s hard, and we haven’t even left for our first assignment yet! While I am aware of many difficulties that may come, this one caught me by surprise. (Granted, I may have been forewarned but didn’t think that I would be affected.)

 It requires a soft heart and tough skin!

To remain soft toward God and people...
To stay focused and joyful by how He is moving around the world...
To keep motivated to fulfill our task...

I think I hold relationships dear to my heart. For that reason, I am grieved when people don’t respond because I feel like the relationship is now severed. (I guess people would rather break the relationship instead of just telling us no we’re not going to partner?) Anyway, this saddens me way more than I thought it would, requiring tough skin!

To remain unmoved and steadfast when people make harsh comments or thoughtless criticisms...
To hold onto love when friends and family ignore us...
To not be sorrowful but peaceful when faced with silence and rejection...

These have been some of my prayers for myself and others in the same boat!

Upside-down Shaming

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 1 Corinthians 1:27

This verse has been such an encouragement to me lately! The handicap and disabled are about as weak as they come. Choosing one to be a missionary... sounds foolish to me! But, God's kingdom is aptly called the upside down kingdom. For this I am thankful!

In and Out, Up and Down, All Around

• First week of March: We had a normal week besides sharing briefly at our friends’ church and Ricky meeting with a few people.
• Second week of March: We attended a Guatemalan cultural dinner; met with more friends for meals; and, shared at the local Marshallese church (six hours service!)
• Third week of March: My mom visited for the week, and we went to Boone one day; met with several people; my parents enjoyed the big kids at their farm for a long weekend giving us an opportunity to go on a double date with some friends to a mystery-dinner theater at their church :)
• Fourth week of March: We had lots of meetings all weeklong; Ricky took me to the movie theater; went to a kid birthday party; our local pregnancy care center banquet; Aolani had a friend over for a play date and baked; and, we got to go to a friend’s 70th birthday celebration (60 people, half were kids!)
• Raphael's romps: He began taking only one nap a day; found his belly button, teeth and knees; has learned to bite, stack and high-five; loves to yell No! or Stop! or Don’t! at us; is especially ticklish under his neck and on his sides; nurses 4-5 times a day, mostly around sleeptime; and, perseveres when he gets frustrated!
• The big kids have been itching to learn some of our “adult” games, and we have now taught them to play four ;)

• School verses: Micaiah -- Psalm 23:2-4 ; Aolani -- Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 46:10, Acts 17:24
• Verses I memorized: Isaiah 40:30-31, 1 Thessalonians 3:12-13

A Lent of No Numbers

I am not positive how I want to proceed with Lent in the future. (Remember that whatever you give up for Lent is just for six days. You are free to indulge on the Sabbath.)

This year, I decided to give up telling my family how many times I have already asked them to do something (i.e., For the fourth time, please pick that up!) and take up calmly repeating my request.

It’s simple and specific, which I like. But, here’s the rub.

By the time I get to repeating numbers, I am likely angry, frustrated, and grumbling in my heart (James 5:9). It’s likely a sinful response that I want to get rid of (Colossians 3:5-10). I want to make war and kill sin every day, not just six. So, I am probably picking the wrong thing to give up.

I realize that you don’t have to partake of your sacrifice on the seventh day or even once Lent is over, and you don’t have to follow legalistically some unbiblical “Lent law.” It’s just that I think I should give up something that is not sinful necessarily. Next year, I might change it up...

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

• First week of February: My mom returned home with us to stay for a week and help us get unpacked somewhat; she babysat so we could go visit friends for the Super Bowl; a friend came over to cut our hair, mine too (I had a foot whacked off to donate to Children with Hair Loss— my ninth hair donation); and, we all went to the chiropractor and dentist.
• Second week of February: This was the week to reconnect and play with all of our friends — two sleepovers, small group, 2 play dates, a dinner with friends, and a lice invasion (we are pretty sure that we got it from a house in Georgia.)
• Third week of February: A friend comes over for game and pizza and movie; Ricky shares at church while I stay home with the two little boys with sinus infections; Aolani celebrates her ninth birthday by putting on a rose party for two neighbor girls (she even made her own cupcakes!); and, our friend briefly returned to comb out any remaining nits.
• Fourth week of February: We had a very relaxing visit with Ricky dad and brother and stayed home; the big kids hung out with friends all day after church while Ricky took me to a bridal shower in Black Mountain; we shared dinner twice with friends; Ricky gave Aolani her first tennis lesson (Ricky really wanted to start P.E. with the kids); and, Ricky took the boys to the doctor for non-emergencies (six weeks of hoarseness for the baby and a huge, stubborn plantar wart for Micaiah).
• Raphael's romps: He loves Ricky and calling out Dada for him; when he is done nursing, he will sit up in my lap and stretch his arms up to Aolani to get him; adores bananas; rubs everywhere; does sign language for milk; and, wakes up once or twice a night still :(
• We can really see God’s hand of protection on us during the trip now as we look back retrospectively. On the trip, we avoided bad illness requiring a doctor’s visit, emergencies, and contracting lice (even though we stayed at a house with lice). Yet within two weeks of being home, we take the boys to the doctor, Aolani has to go to Urgent Care for a deep gash needing a tetanus shot, all three males get sinus infections, and we all get... lice! (Lice is super annoying, requiring 20 hot loads of laundry, lots of combing and showers with lice shampoo, quarantining stuffed animals, and sleeping in shower caps twice a week apart...)

• School verses: Micaiah -- Isaiah 55:6-7, Proverbs 15:1, Psalm 23:1 ; Aolani -- Isaiah 26:3-4, Matthew 12:34
•  Verses I memorized: Jeremiah 17:9, 1 Corinthians 1:8-9, Isaiah 40:29

Our Intercessor

We spoke at an outdoor church last October. Despite the cold and rain (and lack of luxury), it was powerful. God was there, the Spirit was moving, and Jesus was elevated. Beautiful.

At the end of the service, a group was praying for us. It was a blessed time, and I didn’t want it to end. It made me sad to think that they were going to stop praying. Right after I thought that though, I heard Jesus say, “But I won’t stop praying for you.” Oh, what comfort to my soul! That reminder felt like a soothing balm. Thank you, Lord, for interceding for your people (Romans 8:27,34)!

Getting Back on Track

• I am not going to update the blog with pictures from our trip as that would be would be a massive and overwhelming job! Ricky’s social media posts will have to do: Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. I am still slowly trying to download and upload all the pictures and videos; sorting and editing them sounds like an unrealistic dream!
• I thought that it would take 1-2 weeks to unpack and catch up, but it looks like it will take 4-6 weeks (five months is just a long time to be away from home).
• A few of Raphael’s romps from the trip: When he was crawling and wanted to get somewhere fast, he would tuck his head down and plow forward like a bull charge ;) Every animal is a woof woof; got seven teeth; started walking in Dallas at a hotel one night (12/22, 14 months old); and, would put each hand on the sides of his head and shake his head back and forth as we said Oh my!...
• Trip quote log:

“When can we go to the Bible aquarium?” Micaiah, about the Bible museum  

"West Virginia is a good place to do school. It’s like the Prairie.” Aolani 

“Oh, I just love when hotels have refrigerators!” Micaiah  

“God could make me pregnant like Mary. I’m already ready.” Aolani, age 8  

“Whenever people play Mommy they get fretless.” Micaiah  

“There’s another one across the streeeeeet!” Tim Hawkins, we quoted from his Sounds of Starbucks song way too much

“Every time someone gets hurt, you look at me like this [glares].” Micaiah  

"Luther was going to the bathroom? Why would they put that in the book?“ Aolani, about Eric Metaxas’s Luther biography, which Ricky listened to in the car

“My favorite cereal is that frozen cereal baggy." "What’s frozen cereal? Oh, you mean Frosted Flakes? Yeah.” Micaiah and Ricky 

“How much longer?” “Not long." "I want Mommy’s answers. You don’t tell the numbers.” Micaiah and Ricky 

“The reason [why can’t ride in the front seat] is because there is like this air thing in the front seat. We have it, and they don’t.” Micaiah to Aolani

“I’m going to be a doctor. You can tell because I have long fingers.” Aolani 

“Mommy and Daddy, I’ve been thinking. I always think.” Micaiah  

“Why do we always have to eat lunch at dinner time?” Aolani 

“Mommy goes through lots of honey, cans and cans and cans of honey.” Micaiah  

“Mmm. This would be a good place to eat the mistakes.” Aolani about Dairy Queen (Ricky worked there in high school and said that the employees got to eat the orders they messed up.) 

“I love being in the car for two more hours. Perfect!” Micaiah 

“Don’t you think this place is half a quarter of heaven?” Aolani, about California  

“I love being in the car for my whole entire life.” Micaiah  

“I’m 100% fluent in Scottish.” Aolani 

“I’m practicing how to pretend faint so that when I really faint, it won’t hurt.” Micaiah 

“We’re one hour late.” Aidan, the family said this was the phrase I repeated the most.

“I’m checking for bombs.” Micaiah 

“I’m always worried about people getting stuck in the elevator—even people I don’t know.” Micaiah  

Aolani called her new friend Kamila, "Chamomile."

“Since goblins are cool, I make them believers in my setup.” Micaiah   

“Oh, Pennsylvania, like Hotel Pennsylvania, with the vampires.” Aolani  

“You want me to get sick. That’s why you planned this trip, to get me sick.” Micaiah  

“Daddy, I’m on ‘Tweeter’ with Lecrae." Aolani, on her play phone 

“Why do we always have to drive by other people’s schools and houses? It’s such a waste of time.” Micaiah  

“For one thing, they want privacy because they’re old." Aolani 

“All I wanna do is sleep and think, and you guys won’t let me." Micaiah  

“Whoaaaaa!” Raphael

• After staying in 70 different places, we were the recipients of some amazing hospitality. Here is my new definition of that term: 

Hospitality is when, instead of making your guests feel like they’re imposing on you, you make them feel like they are blessing you just by being there.

• Verses memorized on trip: Micaiah — Psalm 1, Genesis 1:1, Jeremiah 29:11, Deuteronomy 6:4-6 ; Aolani — Psalm 128:1, Galatians 5:22, Philippians 1:6, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Matthew 17:20, Psalm 63:1-4, Psalm 100
• I started adding back new ones this year: Habakkuk 2:3, Micah 6:8, Hebrews 13:5-6, Ecclesiastes 5:2

How to be a Road Warrior

"I cannot possibly imagine taking a cross-country road trip with little kids (+ nursing baby and wheełchair) for almost five months... How did you do it??"

Besides being crazy and motivated, here is our strategy and advice:

First thing first, any road trip must be saturated with prayer!

The next thing I did was let people know of our upcoming trip. Then, I used a free mapping site (batchgeo.com) to map every address I had. I used that map to create a general trajectory of our path and sent that out to our contacts to let them know that this wild dream was becoming a planned reality.

Now, I did not contact people individually far in advance to schedule dates and times. I only made plans one to two weeks out (ideally). I would say about one out of three friends couldn’t meet or host us. When that happened, we had backup options to avoid a bunch of hotel expense! We are members of A Candle in the Window, a Christian hospitality network with families all over the country (and world)! Or, we would use a Wycliffe hospitality roster that has families all over the U.S. willing to host Wycliffe missionaries. Out of the 144 nights on the road, we only paid for two hotels (and not out of necessity, but by choice). 

We learned that the optimal time to stay with anyone, besides parents, is one or two nights. More than that felt like an intrusion, no matter what they said or how close you are to them.

One big rule: we tried to limit the amount of driving we did in one day. Our goal was four hours, knowing that could take us five to six hours to get to our destination. We usually took one bigger stop (gas, eat, potty, diaper, nurse) and one quick stop to potty. We tried to stop only if the baby was awake ;) And, we did not drive every day! Limiting our time in the car each day was a huge sanity-saver and made this endeavor more manageable :)

Traveling with kids: Honestly, they took a bunch of naps. When they were awake, they could think, pray, sing, talk, play with car games or toys, or look out the window... We also listened to a lot of audiobooks, Bible dramas, and music :) Oh, and snacks, lots and lots of snacks!

And, lastly, lots and lots of PRAYER. 

Resolutions for 2019

The intro is from my post five years ago on resolutions (just because it still accurately expresses my thoughts!):

"Let me start by saying that just hearing the phrase New Year's resolutions rubs me wrong. I think that one reason is because weight loss is the first thing to come to mind because it is so common. Also, no one actually keeps them or remembers them after a few months. So they seem pointless and not very profitable.

But... it is hard for me to let such an opportunity to pass me by. I relish times of purpose to be still and reflect. [I sound like a Mary -- haha, but I really am a Martha-doer struggling to find (designate) time to be still and reflect.

If God does not forbid it, and it strengthens your love-relationship with Christ, then I want to take advantage! Not that I cannot make "resolutions" other times of the year, but I have to be somewhat forced to sit back and reflect or it just does not happen because life is constantly demanding! Since this new year's time is already designated for making resolutions, then I'm going to let it "force" me :)

I find that I frequently need to evaluate my life in all areas to keep it going in the direction I want it to (towards glorifying God, of course). I hate regret and don't want to be on my death-bed, looking back on my life, and thinking, "If only I had done something with that part of my life back when I had the chance before it spiraled out of control."

The best way to change anything is to alter my spiritual life and let God have more access to my heart so He can bring true and lasting change to myself..."

I loved what I did last year — the idea and what I chose! (I certainly plan on doing that concept again in the future.) But, last year proved to be really chaotic for me. And, it’s hard to keep resolutions (make changes) amidst a bunch of inconsistencies and changes! Some months I did well and other months I forgot to even read the resolution I had made for that month ;) Enough excuse-making...

Now, I have learned over the years that when I make a resolution, it has to be completely based on reality, meaning I cannot expect Ricky to help me keep my resolution. I have to be able to do it entirely by myself that doesn’t take time... Something that considers our family and circumstances.

I am making one resolution for the year and praying that there are repercussions that extend and influence other areas.

• To always consider Ricky first. Before what I think we need to do or should consider doing. Let Ricky do what he chooses to do in peace and without judgment from me. I’ve spent the last 11 years pushing us. For naught. I might think that I’m just trying to be respectful of others, which is a good thing, but even so, I am going to put Ricky first. That’s my job and my calling. Unless Ricky is well nourished physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, then our family is literally not going anywhere or doing anything.

Be kind and build each other up.   1 Thessalonians 5:11

A wise woman builds her house...   Proverbs 14:1

For if you live according to the flesh, you will die. But if by the power of the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, then you will live.   Romans 8:13

Merry CHRISTmas!

2018

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him...
Romans 15:13

Rejoicing in the God of hope! 

Ricky, Aidan, Aolani (almost 9), Micaiah (7), Raphael (1)

What an adventurous year to reflect upon! From beginning our vocation as missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators, to training in Orlando, to finishing up the court reporting career, to embarking on this epic, cross-country road trip. All the while, our family has had the joy of watching the first year of life for baby Raphael - so fun! God is good.