Feeling Bad About The Can'ts

I know I talk about putting on an Attitude of Gratitude almost every week, but seriously, it is a major coping mechanism for me.

Because there are days when I cannot help but feel bad about all the things that I cannot do being confined to my wheelchair. Despondency is grabbing at my heels.

I want to lift her out of the crib, hold her on my hip, lift her over my head, flip her upside down, bounce her, put her on my shoulders, let her crawl, chase her, play on the floor together, nap on the bed together, go to a park, go for a walk, go anywhere, swing her around, cook with her, rock her, wear her while I clean, give her a bath, trim her nails, get her dressed, okay so I need to stop now... Basically, I have never wanted to be able-bodied so much until my baby came along.

So, there is a lot that I cannot do. But...

What about the things I can do? That is the land where I want to dwell. Instead of looking at the can'ts, focusing on the cans. Let thanksgiving pour forth from my heart and my mouth. All day long.
...giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20

Being a Mother Without Expectations

"How can it be a large career to tell other people about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute." ~ G.K. Chesterton

“Gratitude is the key to happiness and anything that undermines gratitude must undermine happiness. And nothing undermines gratitude as much as expectations. The more expectations you have, the less gratitude you will have.” ~ Dennis Prager

*Sorry, I missed a few days as I was on vacation without access to my computer...

Embrace The "Bad" -- Part 2

A few other notes on this topic (click here for Part 1):

1. Ricky and I were discussing this and about "blowing it" in certain situations when we do not react with grace or grow in maturity. He kept referring to this as failing a test. But maybe that is not the best way to look at it. With tests, there are grades -- passing or failing. I think the better description for these circumstances is opportunity. With opportunities, you either take advantage or miss out. But there are always a plethora of opportunities. Test makes you think of failing, but somehow we turn that action into a state of being and begin to view ourselves as failures. Opportunity instills hope -- for change, growth, and newness.
2. A number scale might help here. Although, it is an imperfect and possibly inaccurate way of looking at it. A qualitative view might be better, but my quantitative mind always chooses numbers over words! Anyway, let's put Christlikeness on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the perfect state of being only attainable once we are physically present with our Lord Jesus. So, 9 is the tops on this present earth. Let's put me at a 2-3. Now, if I die years from now and I am still at a 2-3, then I would be disappointed with myself. I would have missed out on every opportunity I have had to grow and mature (become Christlike) as I had not moved up on this scale one iota! May it not be so! I want to be at an 8-9 when I go from glory to glory. [Not to get me into Heaven, of course, because that is only accomplished by Christ's atoning sacrifice! Not by works.] I just want to take advantage of these opportunities to grow in grace. Don't you?! Either way -- whether I take advantage or not -- I thank You, Jesus, for grace in every opportunity!
3. I am reading Randy Alcorn's book on evil and suffering, called If God Is Good. A great, thorough guide on this topic. I thought that some of his words aptly apply to this subject.

We need to take a closer look at a verse I've mentioned, one of the most treasured (and also maligned) in Scripture: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).

The context shows that the Holy Spirit’s main concern is conforming God’s children to the image of Christ. He brings challenging circumstances into our lives so we may develop Christlikeness.

Paul’s use of "we know" indicates that if you don’t know this, you know less than God intends you to; and when times of evil and suffering come, you’ll be ill-equipped to face them.

I believe that if God could not use something, in eternity, to contribute to the good of his child, then he will not permit it to happen. I know of no other way to interpret this passage, written in a context of profound evil and suffering. It does not say God causes some or most things to work for our good, but all things. And what does "all things" not include?

Romans 8:28 declares a cumulative and ultimate good, not an individual or immediate good...

We define our good in terms of what brings us health and happiness now; God defines it in terms of what makes us more like Jesus…

Whether suffering brings us to Christlikeness depends, to some degree, upon our willingness to submit to God and trust him and draw our strength from him. Suffering will come whether we allow it to make us Christlike or not -- but if we don't our suffering is wasted.

Join me in embracing these opportunities!

Saying No to the Oh-Nos

When something unexpected happens, from dropping a treasured breakable on hardwood to having your house burn down, do you have a tendency to respond with an oh-no!, whether you actually speak it or just think it? I know I do. Sometimes, it is out of anxiety or grief or frustration or just being startled.

I decided that I am saying no to oh-nos.

How? No surprise here. By giving thanks. This is just another reason why I put numbers to my heart's joys.

Stand firm. Refuse to panic. Pray. And give thanks.

The eternal perspective will come. Joy will come. By giving thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving, America!

How It's Done

“You only know how to give thanks always when you know how to give thanks anyway.” ~ Ann Voskamp

"I can give without love — and I have done it — but can anyone say they love and not give?" ~ Amy Carmichael

Climbing the Ladder

I already feel stuck.

I thought I wouldn't feel it for at least another year or more.

But, it's here. Routine. Ordinary. Monotony. The same thing. Repeated. Every. Single. Day.

I read these beautiful blogs written by other women... I mean - wow. They write about finding the glorious in the mundane. Sounds surreal to me, as I live in the nursery with a teething baby and dirty diapers.

I look around and wonder if the room is getting smaller. These walls just might be caving in. Maybe.

This pastel-colored nursery appears dismal at times. You know...

It's me. My mind is playing games. Halt. How do I quit this game?

Easy. I start giving thanks. And with each thing, I start climbing the ladder back up. Out of this pit. I am putting my attitude of gratitude back on. How did it come off? I must guard it more carefully. Feed the Spirit.

As I rise, the nursery looks brighter. And bigger. More spacious.

A smile creeps up. My breathing becomes more rhythmic.

And, I find it! The glorious in the mundane. By pouring out my thankful heart, I am inviting the Glorious One into my mundane life.

There is poetry in these walls. I see beauty. And grace. I want to dance.

Thank You, Lifter of my Head, my Countenance-Reformer!

Active Little Servant

• I just cannot get over the gorgeous weather right now! Fall is my favorite season. Yesterday, we took advantage of it and played Boccé Ball together in the backyard. Boccé Ball (pronounced Botch-ee) is one of the few games I can play outside. It's been a great gift! However, I have resorted to wearing rubber gloves while I play, so that I can get a better grip - is that cheating? ;)
• I meant to acknowledge this earlier, but Aolani can sit up by herself quite well.
• So, Aolani doesn't really like food or water (baths, swimming). I think most babies do. I sure did and do still. Not quite sure what this oddity means, maybe nothing.
• Just like her daddy, she would much rather play than eat or sleep. Not me! She is ready to forgo having these basic needs met if it means play time. And, she associates Ricky with play and Mommy with the "boring" stuff. No wonder she's a Daddy's girl!
• We let Aolani feed herself all week, hoping that was the answer. Did it work? Nope :(
• There is a website that you can go to and make clicks with your mouse to help the poor and needy. It is free and takes 20-30 seconds! I do it everyday. Check it out and don't forget the tabs at the top of the page: www.thehungersite.com
• I can't stop thinking about how thankful I am that my firstborn is a girl. Because our firstborn is going to have to be Mommy's Little Helper with a servant's heart! She will have to help me with all the household chores and future children. More so than other families (with my being in a wheelchair). No offense to the male race, but girls are (usually) more attentive, sacrificial, and overall sweet. Thank You, my Provider. This is just one drop in my ocean of gratitude.
• It is time for some videos. The first one is of her getting ready to crawl. Seriously, she rocks the crib so hard that I am just waiting for it to break! [Don't you just love how she rocks so hard that she sets off the musical bear in her crib ;)] The second video is of her jumping in the Johnny Jump Up. Her legs are definitely getting stronger.

• Verse to memorize this week: Hebrews 4:13 ~ Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.

The Two C's

They steal a cheerful heart. They bring gloom. They breed dissatisfaction. And they thrive on negativity.

Complaining and Criticism.

They may be buddies, but not ones I want to have!

These are the Words that I have to continually call to mind throughout my day:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing," Philippians 2:14

"If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." Galatians 5:15

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." James 3:9-10

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt," Colossians 4:6

I know I've written about this before, but this (fighting the desire to criticize or complain) is such a stronghold in my life. So, fresh words about it are always convicting to me! Here are some good insights I've read lately.

"I have found that I can be rather critical. We excuse it as having a high sense of quality or wanting the best, but being critical can be a dangerous thing. If I look at someone and my heart is full of criticism, it steals my ability to bless that person. Criticism steals all the encouraging things that I should say out of my mouth. So, instead of being uplifting to that person, I am left standing in silence.

It also steals joy. It impoverishes us when we cannot rejoice in the work that others do. We could be enjoying and sharing, but instead we criticize and are left empty. A heart full of criticism has no room for something as large and life-changing as joy.

I would rather have a heart full of joy and good things to say about the people around me, than to have the power to force everyone to 'get it right.'

Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to learn to be content."

-Zach Motts' blog post, The Joy Thief

I find that these negative attitudes and behaviors are not healthy for me -- spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally -- and, in fact, are destructive to my very being. Complaining and criticizing are the kind of "friends" that kick you while you're down. Just like self-pity. Anyway, here's another good article about it: Why We Are Addicted To Complaining And How To Stop It.

To combat negativity and frolic in the waters of joy inexpressible is exactly why I had started giving thanks for my boatload!

"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Mosaic

• Ricky's family came down to visit (and vacation) Memorial Day weekend. Anyway, the three DiMartino men have the same swimsuits; it is so cute (if I can use that word)! Here they are:

Triple chicken (Ricky's on top, Daddy Dave is in the middle and Uncle Robby may be the youngest, but apparently he is the strongest!)

I love this shot! They really are this fun :)

• I must admit that occasionally when I change her diaper, I tell her that her poopy diapers are not for the faint of heart... and she isn't even eating solids yet! The mental preparation begins now, I guess. Just today I made the mistake of letting her "'air out" in between diapers. She had two baby-diarrhea explosions during this privileged time. Before I could grab her, she started throwing her legs down getting it on all visible body parts, the furniture, the wall and Mommy (of course). Her privilege is now revoked.

• Proof of Puzzle Completion:

Aolani wants to make sure she gets her fair share of the credit. This 2000-piece bomb has been dismantled and passed on.

• I have two confessions. I will be quick and to the point, and no excuses. One: I haven't been wearing my leg brace as often or as long as I should. Two: I have started watching Seinfeld, and it makes me laugh.


• Aolani is doing (somewhat) better at naptime. I wonder if she is getting used to me... We can feel your prayers!!


• Here is a recent picture of my brother and his wife with our niece, Kylie, who is now 11 months old. Get this: Aolani's feet are the same size as her cousin's feet. No joke. Aolani -- who knew Big Foot looked so cute?

• "How are you doing? Really?" Overall, I'm well. I love being home with my daughter -- watching, helping, feeding, playing, teaching... But, I will honestly tell you that it is HARD. Think of something that seems really hard to you, say running a marathon. Well, I have to run a marathon five days a week. It seemed impossible for me to be pregnant... then take care of myself... then give birth vaginally, let alone naturally... and now caring for a baby alone. It looks like God loves impossible missions ;) One of the most influential people in my life, Katy Beth Searls, who lives in Hungary, taught me a great lesson -- not a verbal lesson but one taught by her actions -- that I daily call to mind. In every situation, she always seems to find something to be grateful for. No matter what. And because she was too busy being thankful, she never had time to utter a criticism or complaint. I call this the attitude of gratitude. When I put on the Armor of God for Aolani each morning, I add this. The attitude of gratitude helps me get through the day.


• Aolani has been busy the past couple weeks. Once she hit the three-month mark, her "accomplishments" are almost daily! Finding her voice, grasping objects, playing with toys, pulling my hair, pushing up, giggling, recognizing people, responding to music, much more aware, "talking", eating her clothes and whatever else is nearby, etc.