Mulan’s Encouragement for Me

In December 2020, I watched the live action film of Mulan and am deeply struck by a specific scene where Mulan and her comrades come face-to-face with the enemy forces. Mulan's team turns around and flees the opposite direction, and the enemy turns around and rides their own way. Mulan hesitates and then hotly pursues the enemy by herself. And I knew. I had to stop waiting… waiting to be healed, to be set free, for someone to lay their hands on me and presto… I had to stop waiting for Jesus to do what He had already done! He already purchased my healing and freedom and defeated the enemy. I needed to take a stand and take action! Even if that meant going after the enemy alone (thankfully I’m not alone!) to inform him that I am no longer deceived, I know who I am, I know what I have, I know that he is a defeated foe, and I am here to enforce and take back what he’s stolen! Not really sure of what to do at that time, I tucked this away in my heart to ponder. 

Healing Journey Update 10

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—Not to make excuses, but I apologize for the delay in updating! Adding in buying and selling a home to our normal schedule has been 😳😅

9/28 Meet a Brazilian woman who was instantaneously healed of an extremely rare and serious, genetic, neurological disease earlier this year and is still being progressively healed (incredible story) 

10/3 I have not taken any drugs in a month! There has been struggle this past month; I don’t feel free to write about it yet as it continues and I refuse to give the enemy any footholds using my words! Still learning how to keep the ground I’ve taken back! 

*Saying something that isn't yet visible in the physical might look like a lie, but to say something that's a fact in the physical realm but not true in the spiritual is the real lie. 

10/5 The painting of the vision from 3/22 is complete! And beautiful! Here is the pdf of the actual 18"x24” acrylic painting.  

10/9 Ricky and I both realize that Holy Spirit has been sharing foreknowledge with us! 

10/14-27 Embark on first road-trip without prescription drugs and make it two weeks; nerves in legs feel stronger 

10/15 No more seatbelt in wheelchair! 

*My confidence first began when I had become convinced that this was Truth and I wasn’t going to budge, yet I was hesitant that I would be able to get rid of all unbelief and therefore access my healing in the physical realm. Even though I was sure physical healing was accomplished at the whipping post, I was constantly unsure if changes were really happening in my body. Despite doubting myself, I moved forward because Truth must be acted on. Then, my confidence shifted slightly. I knew that if I could persevere in believing and doing my routine, His faithfulness to His Word and promise would bring it to pass. But a couple months ago, my confidence shifted again. The more buddy-buddy I become with Holy Spirit and the closer we grow and unite, the more I can distinguish His voice and see His intimate involvement in me. Holy Spirit really is my Helper! I don’t have to worry about possible unbelief lurking somewhere or hoping that I can persevere and not grow weary, I can trust Him to help me (not to do it for me but to reveal, strengthen, and fill in the gaps)!

Prison Vision (from 20 years ago)

Twenty years ago, I was a senior in high school and participated in an event where you walk through the downtown area of your city, quiet and prayerful, but waving Jesus-banners. As the group of people gathered together beforehand, we all got in a circle and some leaders went around the circle, one-by-one, to pray with each individual (so, every person received prayer). I want to bring up one of those prayers I received.

In this specific prayer, God gave this man a vision of/for me. I know -- how do you remember this? Well, I've never understood what it meant and would oft recall it to ponder it over the past couple decades.

The vision: I am crouching in the corner of a dark, underground prison cell. Someone comes in (not sure of his position or who he is) and says to me, "Jesus has purchased your freedom. What are you still doing in here? Your cell door is unlocked, but you have to get up and walk out."

I was so confused for the first few years because I was free in Christ from the first day of my salvation. I knew I was free. I felt free. I walked in the freedom He gave me. Yeah... so I was perplexed. Eventually, I trusted that He would illuminate it. 

Within the past year, the vision popped into my head, and the Holy Spirit revealed its meaning to me. Hallelujah!

The interpretation: It applies to my physical healing! Jesus is the One who has allowed for my healing, but I have to do my part to work it out and make it happen -- to get up and walk out. Even back then soon after I fell in love with Jesus, He was revealing to me the need to take action!

Healing Journey Update 9

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9/15 PT noticed that I have more muscular control and looser hips; remove both side rests on wheelchair (for trunk stability) — “The disassembly of the wheelchair begins!” 

9/16 I got a massage today (from the lady who gave me one back in February). Half way through, she comments to Ricky, “She is so much better! Do you know why??" Music to my ears. Glory to God! 

*I have NO cares (1 Peter 5:7) 

             NO worries (Matthew 6:25) 

             NO fears (1 John 4:18) 

             NO needs (Philippians 4:19) 

         & NO wants (Psalm 23:1)! 

I have NO lack (Psalm 34:10) 

                            for God has given me 

             EVERYTHING (Romans 8:32, 2 Peter 1:3)!

 

9/25 I wrote a blog post looking back and recognizing the importance of taking action in all parts of salvation.

Salvation Involves Action

I don’t know why I never put two and two together. 

As I have mentioned before, any healing requires faith (hope in action), a result of obedience. Same goes for salvation. My own testimony bears witness! 

For at least a year before I came to Jesus with surrender and for newness, I would pray every single night, begging God to please forgive my wretched behavior that day and proceed to do the same sins the next day. No Jesus, no peace, no Holy Spirit, no power. I felt desperate and stuck, which led to several failed suicidal attempts. (I believed in God and knew about Jesus.) 

I met Jesus at a hockey game! It was the beginning of a radical transformation— "I returned home to change my books, music, entertainment, friends, clothes, etc. Suddenly, I could see God face to face, and I felt like I finally got rid of the wall of sin I had put up that was separating me from God. Finally, I could see Him clearly, see His love, and hear His voice. I could understand so much more.” (From a description I wrote about it soon after my salvation experience.) 

Whenever I would pray and plead everyday, I was just hoping that He would do it all. But that’s just hope and not faith. Faith is putting your hope into ACTION. Yet, when I did something (purged) to outwardly demonstrate my inward belief, SKADOOSH. The world changed, and He was right there (always was; I had erected the wall of sin between us, and I had to knock it down). 

Basically, I should have known. From the very beginning of my salvation, action has been dire and foundational. Just as action was the necessary and final step for salvation*, so it is for healing. Holy Spirit had shown me this truth over 21 years ago, and I’m just now getting it! 

*Not a good works, trying to earn salvation kind of action, but demonstrating that you believe you have received kind of action. By grace (Him) through faith (me)! [Ephesians 2:8-9]

Healing Journey Update 8

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*A right understanding of our triune being is foundational to bodily healing (and all growth!) I’ll try to put it in a nutshell. We are spirit, soul (mind, emotions, will), and body. When we are saved and become new creations, it’s our spirits that are made new, complete, and perfect! Not our bodies (we still look and likely feel the same) and not our souls (we usually still have the same habits, thoughts, and memories, leading us to wrongly believe that we still have the sin nature). It is our job to tell our souls to shut up, take a backseat, and learn to constantly submit to the spirit! The spirit realm must become the dominant realm we function in. This is why we must be in the Word all the time, renewing and retraining our minds to Truth! Now, the body is neutral (like money or computers or the internet). It will follow the path that it’s already on and do what it’s told. If your new spirit is telling the body one thing and your soul another, then your body is going to keep on its current course (double-mindedness), but if you can renew your mind and bring your soul into submission, then it’s two against one (spirit and soul unite and agree) the body must listen (this may take time for it to change course). Majority wins! One more thing. When we are saved, we receive God’s Holy Spirit into our spirit, but we can let Him out into our whole triune being through faith (and the Baptism of the Holy Spirit). He can help our souls (revealing mysteries, sharing wisdom, and quickening the Logos to us, leading us to act on that specific Word, so it can become Rhema) and our bodies (rest, rejuvenation, strengthening, healing) — Hallelujah! 

9/9 It’s been a whole week of freedom from drugs! Although my sleep is not as restful as I would like for it to be yet and my legs vibrate some during the day, I would become suicidal whenever I went over 72 hours without drugs in the past. I have tried three times over the last five years. (For all those who are skeptical, this is huge!) 

9/10 I began to notice that my legs were helping my arms lift up my body in the wheelchair about a month ago, and suddenly I noticed that my legs were doing the majority of the work just using my arms more for motivation and guidance in pushing my body up :)

9/12 My right leg hasn’t locked up in over a month! 

9/13 My ears had always been allergic to the metal in earrings. I had to massage them with Vaseline every night if I wanted to wear earrings the following day (and it didn’t always work). But, I haven’t had to use any Vaseline in over a month, and no allergic reactions :) 

*For over 20 years, I would boast that I didn’t really fear anything… except pain and torture. Looking back over the past year, I realize that I was reaping what I had sown!

Healing Journey Update 7

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9/1-4 Ricky and I, along with the two bigger kids, attend a church conference a few hours from here in the mountains of North Carolina. Within a day and a half, several things happen to our family making it apparent that Satan was attempting to keep me from the conference. I was under intense spiritual attack on the middle day (terrible UTI and uncontrollable urinating, chills and convulsions, vomiting and unable to eat, had a hard time even sitting up or opening eyes). I received much intercession and deliverance that evening. Despite feeling exhausted and depleted, my legs felt fine and didn’t twitch like they usually did at this point. So, I didn’t take either drug. I slept without taking them for the first time since I started using them over five years ago!! I was back to 100% Sunday (actually, WAY better!) [I intend to write a detailed account of our weekend and will link to it here, not to create a demons and deliverance theology but just to have a thorough documentation of my personal experience.]

9/6 Flush remaining drugs — I am NOT going back! Unlike the 1/23 experience when the spirit of affliction had fled and I didn’t take any drugs at first but ended up taking a little bit in the middle of the night because my legs were vibrating, I know what’s going on this time (whereas it took me a couple days to figure out what was happening back in January). Not only do I know what happened, but I also now know how to resist the Enemy and how to stand firm in the freedom of Jesus (Galatians 5:1) which I was not prepared to do before. 

*In thinking about why I hadn’t given up by now… While there are many things I could mention, it came down to Truth. You have to get to the point when you realize that pain does not determine whether you are healed or not. Only His Word is Truth and Reality. What you see and feel may be fact for now (facts change, truths don’t). If you can persist in believing and clinging to truth despite what you see and feel, what is true in the spiritual will (and must) come into the natural and physical realm!

Healing Journey Update 6

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8/19 For over a week, my left ear felt great inner pain (I could not touch anywhere near it or sleep on that side of my body, and it had begun shooting down my face into my jaw, making it hard to chew). I just kept resisting, attacking, and refusing to accept it. I didn’t care what it was, it had to leave this temple! I wasn’t going to tolerate it. After getting worse, it suddenly got better yesterday and is completely gone today - hallelujah!

8/20 Bladder strength is measurably improving; Twitching in legs has noticeably reduced (nerves in entire body are strengthening)

*I was recently thinking about all of my physical improvements and reading through this timeline, and I was so encouraged! While the visible improvements are debatable by skeptics as to their cause or origin, the plethora of inner ones is remarkable and unexplainable (I have not increased or added new pharmaceutical or vitamins, nor have I altered my diet, nor have I added on any new therapies or anything). I will list (recap) some of them: 

•  Scalp stopped itching
•  Ear wax has decreased a lot
•  Mouth sores have mostly stopped appearing
•  I can sleep on others’ pillows
•  I don’t get sick (I used to get every single thing the kids got!) 
•  Bladder and bowel strength have both improved 
•  The marble-sized lump on my back right love handle has disappeared 
•  No indigestion, acid reflux, or upset stomach ever 
•  No more demonic attacks 
•  Reduced daily pharmaceutical drug dosage of both prescriptions (now taking 1/5&1/3 of the original daily amounts)
• Both legs have stopped locking up in the hip (really painful)
•  Body temperature regulating and blood circulation (and color) have improved; I rarely sweat now 
•  Legs are twitching much less 
•  Sleep is getting better 

While I notice them all and Ricky recognizes several, I look forward to when outsiders can see what’s happening. I don’t want to judge the state of things with my eyes or feelings (carnally), yet I can’t help but be super excited for the imminent future!

Healing Journey Update 5

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8/4 I slept longer than normal, only woke once each of the past two nights briefly to turn over, and didn’t wake in any pain!! 

8/7 I use to have 2-3 mouth sores (on the inside) everyday, and now it’s only one every few days! 

8/8 I begin reducing one drug by a quarter the amount 

8/11 Sleep has definitely improved, waking much less and tossing/turning much less and waking in much less pain 

8/13 Legs are helping to push body up in wheelchair 

*When you speak or declare truth and nothing seems to happen right away, here’s what you don’t do. You don’t think or say in your heart,”Oh, nothing happened,” which is only heaping dirt on that seed just planted, making it take longer to surface. You just revealed unbelief (double-mindedness).. AND, you certainly don’t reinterpret Scripture to make it line up with your experience (thinking that since the Word is true and I need to protect its validity, I need to figure out what it must have really meant.) I did this every time I was prayed for over twenty years. Not realizing that some things take time, like when Jesus cursed the fig tree. It didn’t shrivel up right away but took a day to die (although, it probably stopped getting nutrients right when Jesus spoke). God set up the law of sowing and reaping. Normally, you don’t plant a seed one day and expect to see the harvest the next day (and exclaim, “Oh, it didn’t work!")

Healing Journey Update 4

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7/23 I got no sleep last night (exhausted!!) and my legs twitched all day. Despite that, I never felt under attack. I did fight most of the day to keep my guard up and not give the enemy an inroad to turn the exhaustion into affliction or torture. It was an unusual experience for me, but I think it’s significant. 

7/24 Cleaning ears less (once every 3-4 months now instead of monthly); I can do kegels now (I’ve been trying to for years but could only squeeze my butt); My scalp has stopped itching (after eight years!)

7/29 Right leg has been locking up less and less the past couple months and rarely does so now 

7/30 My legs are twitching less overall (both during the day and at night) 

*Jesus said believe that you have received and it will be yours (Mk 11:24, receive—>believe—>see/feel), not receive—>see/feel—>believe (carnal way of thinking; have to physically experience something using the five senses). Jesus encountered this over and over during His ministry— you get what you can believe for!

7/31 No attacks in two months now!

Healing Journey Update 3

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7/12 Sickness runs through the household this week, but not me 

7/13 Begin alternating legs when marching in wheelchair

7/14 PT says that I didn’t regress this time (after a trip); turning head to the right and left without falling over while sitting on bededge 

7/15 Although my handwriting doesn’t look vastly different from May and June (because it’s so loopy and swirly; that’s how it’s always been!), I’m able to connect 3-4 letters at a time versus two (cursive)! 

7/16 Able to unbuckle seatbelt in car 

7/18 I began to feel horrible pain inside the lower left part of my back (tender and excruciating to touch, nothing visible, did not feel like a sore or strained muscle) two days ago. After just two days of attacking it and blasting it with Truth, it’s completely gone!! 

7/19 Able to pull core back to center when torso sways a little to the right or left; Able to ease torso down from upright position to lying on knees, instead of flopping down, for crunches 

7/20 I weighed for the first time in eight months and lost over 20 pounds, which is irrelevant but still makes me happy 

*Most of my physical improvements thus far are only noticeable to me, while most of the changes have been internal work (which of course makes sense and is necessary). When you have been plagued by a chronic illness that you live with every moment of every day, the sickness becomes part of your identity— you live sick, you think sick, you are sick through and through… So, the first step has been to destroy all effects of sickness on my soul (mind, emotions, will). [Similar to how bamboo grows— sprouting some the first few years and getting set up before shooting up exponentially.]

Healing Journey Update 2

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7/4 Buckled the seatbelt in the car for the first time in years; can now consistently do my four different arm/torso stretches without being locked under a table (to prevent me from falling forward)

7/6 I used to be really hot-natured (liked it in the 60s at night in order to sleep and sweated very easily) and always kept it cool in our house all day long, but I now get cold at those same temperatures and can tolerate it much warmer (without sweating and for sleeping!); better blood flow?!

7/7 Met with a woman who had a similar muscular dystrophy as I had and worked out her full healing over two years about a decade ago (heard about her last summer)

7/9 Able to twist spine using one arm to help pull (versus two)

7/10 My love for God (Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit) only keeps increasing every day! This tops every good result and brings me ever-increasing, constant joy that doesn’t change depending on feeling or circumstance!

*Watering the soil (feeding the seeds/harvest with truth) causes both the grass and weeds to grow. The grass grows steady and the weeds shoot up. The more you are feeding on truth,  the easier it becomes to separate the grass from the weeds and pull up the lies! The truth doesn’t get rid of the lies but makes them stand out, so they’re easier for YOU to pull out… not His job, but our own work. (God doesn’t renew our minds for us! See Romans 12:1-2, Wuest translation)