It was during this time that I felt Him asking me a question. And I knew that I had to do a little soul-searching first and not simply or impulsively answer.
“You are willing to die for a people group, but are you willing to suffer for them?”
And I knew that He meant voluntary suffering. Being willing to give up what little bit of health I had left. Lay it on the altar as a willing sacrifice.
It seemed different to suffer for not renouncing your faith in Christ versus suffering for a people when someone else could go.
That’s like voluntarily having the severe restless legs I had during pregnancy (intense pain and sleeplessness). Who would volunteer for that?!
I don’t like suffering. Death? Please! Torture gives me the chills.
But suffering is coming for everyone no matter what — voluntary or involuntary.
Really, it was a matter of obedience. Would I be willing to go wherever He sent me even if that meant embracing more suffering?
Of course, I would quickly shout, “Yes!” But He was telling me to wait and ponder, so that my “yes” would be deep in understanding and full in knowledge. A wholehearted acceptance.
There was no Aha! moment. Just prayers. Because suffering for the Bibleless is suffering for Christ.
I was praying a lot that God would help me to have His heart for people and love others more than myself. And I would pray that I would learn to trust His Spirit in me to endure with faith, love, and joy.
I’m still praying. But I am much more confident in my yes.
*I know Wycliffe Bible Translators would not send its members into wanton endangerment or ignore health concerns. I think that God just wanted me to wrestle with this and trust Him even more than I already do.