What Forgiveness Looks Like -- Part 1

Forgiveness -- has been on my mind for over a year now.

Between people. Man to man.

Years ago, I had already forgiven everyone I could ever think of that I might should.

But, I could still see the effects of bitterness in my life. Which had me worried and confused...

After some more forgiving, I felt downright unsatisfied. Am I forgiving "the right way"?

Talking to people did not really help because they were saying abstract things. And, I realized that was it -- I wanted something tangible. Something to do.

But, forgiveness is a matter of the heart, unlike taking out the trash. I realize the spiritual action, but I wanted an accompanying physical action.

So, I googled 'steps to forgiveness' and up popped millions. After reading several, I came across one, 13 Steps to Forgiving the Unforgivable by the famous Dr. Charles Stanley, and I knew right away. Yes -- THIS is exactly what I'm looking for! 

[I used my friend's criteria to know who I needed to forgive: If you cannot smile at someone freely and broadly... Yeah, I have a few strained smiles.]

A few weeks ago, I set aside a time to do it when I was alone, unhindered, and not rushed, because it was not a 2-minute thing. But, man! Talk about cathartic and freeing! Jesus was THERE with me, bringing beauty out of ashes :)

But, then, the unexpected. The tricky part. Things kept happening, words that felt like little daggers, to me. Ahhhhhh, I want to stay in this free-flowing forgiveness! No more resentment building up towards anyone! And, I would have to pause (in my mind) and forgive right then and there. And, thus, I learned that it is hard work to stay in this forgiveness mode. It is constant or frequent, not a one-time thing. Yet, it is way, WAY worth it!

And Jesus tells us in his Sermon on the Mount, "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." (Matthew 6:14)

Yep, right away. No more build up. No more bitterness.

{Part 2}

Do You Want to Play?

• Back to busy days! We went to a Symptometrist in a nearby city to get our blood work and ask questions -- a three and a half hour appointment, but it was wonderful (and we learned a ton). Some friends from college came for a quick visit. We hung out with some other friends to hear about their mission trip. Aolani has one more day of swim lessons. Ricky went to Charleston, SC for a couple days for a work conference and will be back tonight, God-willing.
• Oh, and I forgot to mention that Ricky and my mom started taking particulates two weeks ago for a few specific problems and general ionization :)
• Micaiah's mishaps: had a breakthrough yesterday and started bending his knee when he walks and now sorta runs; is in that toddler stage when everything is MINE!; is using the potty pretty perfectly; and, is really into play food and pretend cooking :) 
• Aolani's antics: calls floating swimming; woke me up one morning by shaking my back and singing Do you want to build a snowman? (ahhh ;) memory); and, after getting Micaiah up one morning, removing his diaper and helping him use the potty, throwing it away in the pail, and telling us all she did, says in a serious tone, "Yeah, I'm an ADULT."

• Verse passage I'm memorizing: Revelation 21:1-7 ~ Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

Our God is a Consuming Fire

It's been almost a decade since God changed my name. I say 'God changed my name' because many people still comment on when 'I changed my name', and I most certainly did not. I was not looking into changing my name; it was His idea! I merely obeyed.

Anyway, God keeps bringing fire up lately, causing me to pray and ponder. I thought I'd share the letter I wrote and sent out about my name change 10 years ago :)

August 24, 2004 

Dear family and friends,

Greeting! I pray this letter finds you well and seeking after the LORD with your whole heart. I am writing to you because God has once again moved in a new area of my life and called me to do a new thing this summer. Our Father has given me a new name to go by and be called. The name He has placed on my heart is Aidan, which is Gaelic (old Irish) for fire. First, I’ll explain the story and details behind the name change. Then, I’ll elaborate on the general and specific reasons why God changes names and why my name. 

When I was in Northern Ireland on my mission’s trip in May, God was teaching me a lot about being set apart as holy for Him. Gently, I felt God prodding me to change my name to Aidan. I have never met anyone by this name. It took me a while to process what He was asking me to do and how I would do it and when I would do it and how everyone would react to it and how I would get used to it. I prayed for a while just to be certain I was hearing Him correctly. As days passed, God showed me more and more about His fire when I was not searching. In June I had become certain of His command. I began to pray for confirmation as to when He wanted me to do this, whether it was right now, when the semester began, when I graduated, when I was healed, etc. I ruled out the right now since God was still working on me, and I am a slow lesson learner. Within five days, I had received confirmation twice, and both involved fire. I knew then that my Shepherd was leading me to do this soon, preferably this semester. I proceeded to tell my mom about this, and her first instinct-driven responses are probably similar to your own: “What is wrong with the name we gave you?” “Why don’t you like the name Leslie?” Well, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the name Leslie, and I happen to love it. This name change is not something I want to do. It is not my desire, but my desire is to be obedient to the LORD. I need your support for this because it is not an easy change for me. When I inquired of the LORD whether He wanted me to legally change my name, I did not receive confirmation twice. I still gathered the necessary information, and although it would be a great amount of tedious work, I am willing to obey still. He may want me to do this in the future, but I do not feel led to do so yet. [Update: I did legally change my name a year later during the summer of 2005.]

Concerning, generally, the reasons God asks someone to change his/her name, it usually symbolizes that God has or is going to perform a mighty act or dramatic change in that person’s life (i.e. Jacob to Israel, Abram to Abraham). This does not mean that God always changes people’s names when He moves in a miraculous way. He does not, but actually He only does so in certain circumstances, which I cannot claim to decipher when He will or will not. His ways are far above mine, and I cannot attempt to understand most of them. He may have future plans for the name He is giving me now. I am unsure.

Specifically, God has given me two main causes as to why me and why Aidan (fire). The first is that I have felt, especially the last two years, the LORD putting me through the fire. In 1 Corinthians 3:13, Paul states, “But there is going to come a time of testing at the judgment day to see what kind of work each builder has done. Everyone’s work will be put through the fire to see whether or not it keeps its value.” Just as fire is used to refine precious metals and make them pure, I want to come out of the fire tried and true. This is a sanctification process that my Father is using to set me apart as holy for His purposes. The second reason is that the fire He is using on me is from and of Himself. The fire of God is the Holy Spirit and signifies His Presence. In Exodus 19:18, God descends upon Mount Sinai as fire before Moses. Daniel 7:9-10 is a vision Daniel has where he witnesses God, the Ancient One, sitting on a fiery throne with wheels of fire and surrounded by a river of fire flowing from His Presence. Obviously, God uses fire to show His glory. In Exodus 40:38, God reveals His Presence in the Tabernacle (the LORD’s dwelling place before Jesus came to earth, which is now our bodies) with a fire in the cloud. In Isaiah 30:33, it says, “The breath of the LORD, like fire from a volcano, will set it ablaze.” The Holy Spirit is the breath of God and the fire of God. Just as God is called a consuming fire in Deuteronomy 4:24, so it is when the Holy Spirit comes upon a person. The dearly cherished Spirit of Jesus consumes and spreads until He has taken over the entire person. He burns within me, and I cannot contain Him (nor can any vessel). Since the Spirit is within me and taking over, I cannot help but desire to share it and give it away. In Matthew 3:11, John the Baptist declares that the Messiah will come and baptize with the Holy Spirit and fire! And He still does! In Deuteronomy 5:26, God is known to speak by and through fire. I pray that God can use me to speak for Him as an ambassador of the Christ. Fire shines and gives off light just as God’s children are called to shine the light of the Savior. In Psalm 97:3, it says that fire goes before God. It prepares the way for the LORD to move and show His great and mighty works that are sure to follow. Just as the Spirit draws people to Christ and prepares them for the Gospel before leading them to salvation. Repeatedly in Leviticus, the people are commanded to present offerings to the LORD by fire because that would be pleasing to Him. I am presenting myself as a sacrifice and offering for the King in order to please Him. I am asking Him to consume me just as fire consumes the offerings. Also, in 1 Thessalonians 5:19, Paul commands us to not put out the Spirit’s fire. May I never stifle the Holy Spirit! On a side note, God has given me a fiery personality, which is fitting for the name Aidan. 

Those are some of the insights God has shown me this summer. I hope this does not confuse or grieve any of you. I am simply seeking full compliance to the LORD God. 

I would greatly appreciate it if you tried to start calling me by Aidan. I know it will be hard for some of you and goes against habit. If you call me Leslie, I promise I will not be upset in any way, but I will try to gently remind. 

In His everlasting love,

 

p.s. Yes, I realize Aidan is a boy's name, but I don't think I need to point that out to God! And yes, it is ironic that God started the whole name change thing (to an Irish name) while I was in Ireland because it's not like I went there and fell in love with the name. I neither met anyone there by that name or even heard that name while there.

With Cheer in Each Step

• It's been a fun week -- Micaiah got his cast off; my parents treated me to a relaxing massage :); we went to church as a family for the first time in two months; and, Aolani started swim lessons at the community rec center (it's everyday, 45 mins long, for 2 weeks). I don't expect her to swim, just to not be scared of the water. My mom took Micaiah too this morning to do "hydrotherapy" in the kiddie pool during Aolani's class.
• Is Micaiah happy to have his cast off? Everyday he tells us how happy he is! He is so affectionate, too -- always wanting to touch and see and play with his sister, giving kisses and hugs and love. After the urinal (aka, cast) came off, we gave him two baths before dinner -- how he missed the tub ;) He loves rolling around on the bed, goes everywhere, is super slow :), is happy to be sitting in his highchair for meals, enjoys using his potty (he's doing so well!).. The final week before he got his cast off, he had decided that he was not going to let this cast hold him back anymore. He was wild -- all over the couch, getting off the couch to try and stand on the cast, pulling himself around on the floor -- and got really strong. After he got the cast off, he crawled and cruised around a lot for 2-3 days. Then, he started limping again, although he is not that stable yet. We call him gimpy ;) The video below shows the progression and is so cute!

Her pretend campfire and s'more :)

• Verse passage I'm memorizing: Revelation 21:1-7 ~ Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

We Have God

This really moved me and leads to pondering...

I had recently read a post about North Korean Christians on Randy Alcorn's blog. This one part really strikes a chord --

"Our visitors shared that when North Korean believers are asked how we in the West can pray for them, they often respond by explaining they pray for us! When asked why, they say, “You place a lot of faith in your money and freedom. We have neither money nor freedom. We have God, and that is enough.” 

Pastor Foley writes, "We Western Christians are tempted or deceived into confusing God with Mammon, and freedom of religion with freedom in Christ. North Korean Christians see daily the stark difference between the One True God and every counterfeit. They talk of a freedom that can’t be taken away, even inside a concentration camp."

Read the rest here.

(Un)Stuck

• Last week was the first grandparent week where my parents took Aolani and Ricky's parents were suppose to have Micaiah (this way the grandparents get to spend focused time with each grandchild once a year).
• Unfortunately, Micaiah's body-cast threw a wrench in the plans, and he stayed home with Mommy and Daddy. So, we just rolled with the punches and tried to make his time here fun and somewhat special. Daddy made him an apple pie and ice cream (he continually requests apple pie but doesn't even like cooked apples!); some friends joined us for dinner one evening; my friend and her dog (Micaiah loves Button) came over to help us all week (as my mom was gone); we built a fort and played with special toys and watched soccer; and, we went to our town's fireworks show on Independence Day and to dinner at our friends' home (we wanted to take Micaiah out to do at least one thing special while he is in the cast).
• Now, Aolani, of course, was off living it up and loving it! Large amounts of time playing with her cousins, beach, park, church, aquarium, children's museum, pool, birthday party... Although, I think she started missing us towards the end of her trip (and she supposedly talked about me a lot). She said two funny things when we Facetimed. One: When she was telling me about swimming with her cousins at (what they have dubbed) the "rooster pool", she referred to it as the "chicken beach" :) Two: When I asked her about the hurricane, she replied, "That little candy cane?!" ;)


• My updated health improvement chart :) 
• Oh, and the body-cast comes off tomorrow, God-willing!

• Verse passage I'm memorizing: Revelation 21:1-7 ~ Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

The Immaturity to Destroy or The Maturity to Build

Toddlers. 

So many spiritual lessons keep popping up just by watching them.

We call Micaiah our little destroyer. At two-and-a-half yo, all he seems to know how to do is tear down and make as big a mess as possible. [I mean, if he builds anything, it is only because he has this strong desire itching him to quickly and madly destroy something!]

I was thinking about how the ability to build things comes with age because as they grow older they gain more maturity, self-restraint, and self-control... [For a visual, think of The Caterpillar Room and The Butterfly Room in Toy Story 3 ;)]

And then Galatians 5:15 came to mind:

But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.

And I saw the link, both in word and deed.

It takes no maturity, self-restraint, or self-control to destroy and tear down another person, to ruin a relationship.

But, it does require maturity, self-restraint, and self-control to build another person up and build a relationship. To encourage someone and make them stronger.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~ Ephesians 4:32

Would You Like a Spot...?

• We had a normal-enough week last week. 
• We finished Aolani's preschool "curriculum" last week before she left with Grandma to go on her "vacation" at my parents' house. She is having a blast, and I will share about it next week. When she returns, I have a summer schedule and activities I planned to occupy her time for the next couple months :)
• Micaiah had a check-up at the doctor last Friday. Although he is healing well, there is still a hump in the bone, showing that it is not completely done. Two more weeks with the body cast, the doctor said. 6 days down, 8 to go now. (Oh, and he misses his sister terribly. He cries for her periodically :( Poor guy has no idea how to be an only child, as he has never really had to be.)

He has grown really strong -- climbing, flipping, pulling...

Pipe-cleaner glasses (just like Daddy) and foam stars (stick with water)

Painting salt sculptures

Throwing a tea party picnic for her friends -- princess garb required :)

Hosting a tea party for us! Pouring the tea, adding the honey, adding the milk, stir it...

Voila! "Delicious!"

• Verse passage I'm going to start memorizing: Revelation 21:1-7 ~ Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.