Ever since I started college (eight years ago), this degenerative disease (Friedreich's Ataxia) plaguing me has begun to make an obvious imprint. That is when it started. For these past eight years, I have always told people that the number one lesson God has and is teaching me through all this, is to learn to let go of my independent nature and embrace dependence on others. On Him.Let me tell you that independence can be quite demanding. Demanding of others. Demanding of myself. And it can be tough -- harsh even.
Independence is so highly exalted, though, especially in our culture. Dependence on others or God is weak; dependent on self is strong (independent).
Now, I do not want to make some blanket statement saying that all independence is wrong or bad. Freedom from tyranny (Declaration of Independence) or slavery is a good thing.
Yet, how often do we speak of being independent as a good thing when we are really using the term independence as a cover-up for selfish desires? What is the root? Too often, my roots are wrapped up in my own wants and not those of Jesus. Maybe "independence" is really making us slaves to ourselves and dependence offers us more freedom?
Warning: This may sound silly, but I dissect everything. For example: I am fully dressed (thus needing help) and need to use the restroom. I tell Ricky, and a lively discussion ensues. Relief is granted eventually. Now, independence here would be so grand to me, BUT... I would miss out on several growing, stretching opportunities such as --
- the chance to die to self
- the chance to unite with my husband
- the chance to bond and fellowship with my husband
- the chance to be patient, compassionate, and understanding
Now, I know independence here is not a bad thing. However, do I want this independence because I want to do what I want when I want? If so, selfishness may be lurking underneath the waters. Sooner or later, though, I got to go and forget the philosophizing ;)
Anyway, point is that maybe our independence is just a rug covering our dirt.